I have this war raging within, & I'm afraid to know who will win. Because half of me wants to be with my ex, that half wants to take her back. While the other half doesn't want to leave the girl I'm with. And I hate that it's ripping me apart. Because both are two beautiful amazing girls. And I hate the thought of hurting either one of them. But I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm standing on the edge, & that cliff looks so damn good to jump off of. What I want to know, is what keeps me from completely going over the edge. What keeps me sane, what keeps me from picking up the knife, & carving into my skin like I used to so many times before. What about my life is keeping me from dying.

How do you let someone know that you miss them more than words even can begin to say?

Buried deep beneath
Her sheets,
She's crying.
But she won't let anyone
Help her,
Hold her,
wipe her tears away.

Buried under her blankets,
She's lost to the worldd.
Lost & wandering with
Her friend Misery.

Buried deep beneath
Her sheets,
She's falling apart,
Breaking down,
Stepping closer to
The edge.

Written on 12/12/07

So, I've had a wonderful last 2 days. I've smiled & been happier than I think I ever have been. Why?

So maybe I came off a little hash with those last two posts? Eh....I wasn't very happy....could be pms...who the hell knows? So I'm going to not holdanything back when writing. If it makes things complicated for me, oh well. I'm good living with complicated. I was born into a complicated world.

I want to wash my hands of your love....I want to forget we ever were...or that we ever could have been. I want to forget the memories of you & me together. Everywhere I go it's a constant reminder of the words that I'm going to tell you soon. When I have the time to see your afterschool. When I'm off of groundation..& off of suspention. Everything reminds me of the love I was denied.

So, this is my first post here...yay! ^_^ I really don't know what to say. I know what I want to talk about, but I'm afraid of giving away too many things to have me known. What the hell. So I'm in a relationship with this girl, who I thought was amazing. I mean...yeah, I still think she's amazing in so many ways, but now....I dunno what to think about her anymore. Ya know?