I'm alive. And busy as ever.

It's finals week at school. And I'm stressing like every other college kid.

found out the other day my dad lost his job. So neithe rof my parents are working. Things are going to suck. And I'm stressing because if no one comes up with the money for rent next month my land lords will without a hesitation kick us out. And I dunno where I'd go. I don't have the money to live on my own. I don't even have the moeny to pay my bills. Hell. I don't even have a god damn job.

First time on in forever. Don't plan on getting on for awhile longer. Just wanted to let you all know I'm alive and busy with school.

Life's going to get busy. Wanted to let you all know I'm starting a GSA at the college I'm going to since they're lame and don't have one.

Taking my girl to go see Andrea Gibson next month :D counting down the days.

Babe, you're amazing and I love you <3 And you still need to go play with your scanner ;P lol. She'll hate me for it, but no matter what she's gonna love me.

Where the fuck did everything go wrong?

I don't sleep anymore ever....I have such bad insomnia. And it's going to kill me when classes start and I have to be to class by 7.....all I do at night is cry.....that's the only thing I do.....and I'm so fucking sick of it. I'm tired of not knowing, of hurting. Of...everything....at this point my ex's offer to move down to Cali when I go visit is looking better and better. She is so worried about me.....and I KNOW if I was down there I wouldn't be sad, they wouldn't let me...

Fuck where the hell did it all go wrong????

Fuck everything about you.....you and your jailbait girlfriend. I hate you...I'm at that stage. Where I fucking hate you. Yeah, I'm agnry. So what? You want my cat? Fuck no....even if she wasn't lost and I couldn't take care of her. I wouldn't give her to you.

Get out of my life.....get out of my head. Take back all the fucking memories and all the pictures I want to burn. Give me back my things.....just....fuck you.

Something happened to my kitty....and I can't stop crying. I haen't seen her since saturday......and at this point I'm convinced she's gone for good.....I can't do anything but cry.....I want Athena back :[

You're chasing me from this website, I can't stand to see your screen name. Or your journals. So I'm eliminating this problem and going away. I don't know if it's permanently or not. But it's going to be for awhile at least. Hope you're happy.

I hate that I can't forget...I had a dream...more like a nightmare with you in it. I woke up crying, trembling and terrified. I hope you're happy to know how I'm suffering. I really hope this gives you some sort of pleasure. Because all I have is pain. And by the way. My whole family is glad you're gone.

I'm not even home an hour and already you're in my head and hurting me...making me cry. Fuck you and all the pain you cause me....and all the drama. I just want to forget your name and face. and all the memories.

I'm back from camping and seeing my granda. He's not doing well...and probably won't be around much longer. And I'm crying. This may just be the last time I see him. And it hurts so much.

If I hand you my heart and a knife, will you cut me? Shred my heart to pieces? Or would you throw the knife away?

If I tell you I'm going to leave...would you beg me to stay? Or would you let me walk away?

I need money...I need out of Lakewood, out of washington....I need away from here. Everything is tainted with memories that I can't erase. It's driving me mad. I thought switching rooms would help, and it has. But staying in the house, doesn't help. There are still memories everywhere.

Holy shit...Ruth and what's her bucket so should have been gay dammit! This stupid movie is really making me want someone to cuddle with. And it's not enjoyable. Because I have no one....at least no one around here. All I want to do is cry....and I did something stupid yesterday....but I'm not going to explain it here, due to the fact that there is a certain someone on this website that will open her mouth to my parents. When it's not her place. I appreciate the concern, but I'm an adult. I can handle and take care of myself. I'm sorry you still care about me. I wish that you didn't.

I'm watching Fried Green Tomatoes....I haven't watched this movie in forever.

Haylee is out at a party...and I'm worried. I hate that I worry.....I love her to death, but sometimes i wish that i didn't.

So....september 13th my therapist I'm seeing is leaving. It's her last day...and it's freaking me out....I'm afraid of getting someone new...

I spent the whole weekend camping. I just got back yesterday. I had such a great time. It was at this Music Fest with a family friend. She invited me to go and so I went with her and her son. I met a ton of really nice people and had a really good time. I feel sooooo much better and less stressed. I’m so much happier. I laughed a lot and had a good time.

I'm going through my old phone and deleting everything off it. So amy can have it back. But I'm going through all the pictures and deleting the ones I don't want...then I'm going to put them onto my new phone. But I'm crying...I'm deleting a bunch of the ones of her and I....or just her...and it hard....because yes, I stiill miss her. It's hard....but it's what needs to be done, so I can continue to heal....I just wish it didn't hurt so much....and I wish I had someone to talk to while I did it....and I don't....

"...Empty glasses on tables, echoes fill these rooms
The memories go where we go,
There like the suitcase that you never lose
If the good lords eyes upon me
I swear to make things right
Whatever we lost, i know we can find

Why do we say things we can't take back
Why do we miss what we never had
Both of us fell to the ground
The love was so lost, it couldn't be found
What would it take to forget who's blamed?
I'm tired of crying out at the sound of your name
Why don't we turn this around, love ain't the enemy
Don't you want to be lost then found

"Angels have no thoughts of ever returning you,
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?"

All I want is to forget. To stop caring. I hate that you still have some hold on my heart. If I could I would erase all the memories. Because then I wouldn't hurt anymore.

I'm so fucking sick of the drama that is following the shit with Amy and I....I'm sooooooooo fucking done with it.