"You know, those kids over there,
by the corner, next tot he apartmetn stairs,"
I sign to Corny while we're walking.
"They used to pick on me,
and push me around. Tease me,
laugh when I'd finally fall to the ground."
Cornys eyes go dark, as he glances over at the people.
I hurry to sign even quicker.
"But now I'm the one laughing,
becasue the one with no hair,
She's after me again,
this time in my dreams.
she enjoys watching me behind a screen.
and playing childish games.
The gym teacher bent on
getting me expelled.
She'll get the respect she tries to demand
when she shows me respect I ask for first.
I'm not giving in this time.
I swear and I promise.
Kuchen ist lecker.
((Cake is yummy))
Cake ist gut.
((Cake is good))
Magst du Kuchen?
((Do you like cake?))
How, when someone is speaking to you-
in a language you supossidly, don't know,
but are supossidly, 'learning'....
Sie beginnen einfach, und wiederholen Worter....
((THey start out simple, and repeat words...))
Over and over and over again
He was so angry,
as he walked over to wher I was,
doubled over, and in pain.
But my opponent was in even more.
Our blood shared,
painting the snow around us
with a dark dark red,
that looked as if it'd never ever wash out.
But of course it will,
when the snow finally melts.
He grabed my shoulders, 'and pulled me up, until I was standing.
Looking him in the face.
Myke and me were at our home,
it's really really funny.
His friend is talking to him,
while I was watching T.V.
"That boy I see Jaize with...
Who is he?"
Myke smiles as his answer forms. I can see it from the corner of my eyes.
He's just the boy that makes Ronni smile,
and think. He makes her fall in love."
And now she doens't trust me, the gym teacher,
the one who.. Supossidly cares.
She wants to play that game,
I can play it better.
If she's going ot be insecure, and doens't want to see me,
I guess she can just go hang.
Becasue /I/ have gone to this school longer than she's been teaching at it,
/I/ know how to play this game.
She's asking for war,
Choking on air,
hearing loudly spoken screams
over seeing things that aren't there,
that are only hallucinations from the dreams
we call nightmares.
Fighting the covers,
skin freezingly cold,
holding my sanity together
just to see my eyes growing more old.
Fast typing fingers,
reasearching my ailment.
Freezing skin white blue,
but feeling as if on fire.
Sitting in his living room,
all is quiet except his hands are tapping
on the glass coffee table
that's full of cracks.
"Ronni, why would Mykel ever name you Jaize?"
The question hangs in the air,
waiting for me to grab it, answer it,
and lay it to rest,
with a full filled purpose as an ansered question.
I want to tell him
To mind his own buisness.
But I answer him.
Kate went home today.
Myke took her home around 5 in the morning.
I guess he wasn't going to ttake care of her forever,
just had her come for a visit.
Corny was glad to see her go.
She wont wake him up with her crying anymore.
But my dreams started comming back.
They came back real bad.
I'm afraid to fall asleep.
I'm afraid that of what I'll see.
My shoes. They're wet. I walked aroun din the snow.
My socks are wet.
From my shoes being wet,
which makes my feet feel soggy.
And my feet aren't cold, but they're not toasty either.
And this keyboard is really loud.:D
And the butt of my pants is wet from beign picked up and tossed in snow drifts.
(Eddie, you amuse me.)
The teacher is staring at me.
No my hair didn't get cut.
Yesterday I saw her.
She was pretty.
Just like the baby picture Myke has of me,
just.... More 3d.
Except my eyes were greener,
Kates, a mixture of blue and gray.
I have green.
And her hose tips up a tiny tiny bit,
so it's barely noticable.
Her hands reach for everything they see,
she laughs, and gigles,
like theres nothing bad in the world,
Kate is comming.
That's why Myke had to go.
To pick up his little 9 month old baby girl.
You'd think that a 18 going on 19 homosexual male wouldn't have a little
But he does.
She was a part mistake.
I guess when Myke was attempting to be straight,
the condom tore.
And Kate was made.
He says shse looks just like I did,
when I was a littel baby.
At school. Stressed out. Got my glasses, or found them.. Last night.
Missing homework. And my locker key.
Just because I can picklock it,
doesn't mean I wont have to pay 15$ at the end of the year to pass 8th grade.
For losing my key.
We've got math today.
be in math, than a mental hospital again.
But I'd rather fight with Myke abotu going than go to math.
Today is Monday,
the day I hate.
It means another 5 days
until the weekend,
too long for me to anticipate.
Brother told me, once on friday,
once on saturday
the he'd be gone
Said he had to go away
but only for 3 days.
Corny'd watch over me,
So I was up at 2 yesterday morning,
pacing around and around and around my room.
No way to get tolessons,
not that I want to go.
Brother's smiling at me,
like there's something He knows,
that I don.t
"Jaize, our car broken down."
He says all calm like.
The he looks around.
"You've got to go to lessons today,
otherwise you'll fail saxiphone."
I look at him.
Can't he see it in my eyes.
Guitar, drums, and harp.
THe beating of my own heart.