I tried writing a song today. About women who kill men who abuse women. I thought it was going to turn out pretty cool. Now it is a rap. I think..... I mean I have never had many music classes and I don't really play guitar except like 3 chords and that I do that clumsily. So it is something that is in my opinion rap. I know a lot of people have problems with rap.

I think that I might be gay again because just the idea of having sex with E is pretty ewwwww, but I am in love with him and I want to see if I can be with him. Who knows, I might change between now and summer and get into the bi thing again. :P I can only hope.

I just found out the girl I was starting to like likes guys. But her info didn't say that she likes girls. I was SO sure. I guess thats what I get for being over confident.

I just heard from E. He texted me like hey :D I just got my phone reactivated.
My jaw dropped. After all these months after all these months of WORRYING blaming MYSELF he texts me like hey. He is SO in for it later. I mean don't get me wrong, I am SO glad to hear from him, just like all those other girls whos boyfirends leave them then come crawling back. I am SO happy and SO angry that it is balancing its self out. He was in a BAR when I called and he was like Hey :D. oOOOOh! I don't care if I have to stay up all night! This is going DOWN.

-adapted from the Tweety Bird original.

I saw this girl who I think might be gay. She gave me her number and said that we should hang out some time :D. I think I scared her with my over enthusiasm though. >.< I talk too much when I am at any stage of nervous. :(
She is pretty cute though, in a butchish kind of way.
I wonder if she will want to hang out tomarrow? I certainly hope so.
Oh, and someone took down my main gay get together flyer. I am a little upset about this. But its all good.

I wouldn't really advise reading this.

How do you know that you will love someone? I know it is normaly the other way around, but what if you can't feel love? Like you can feel every other possible emotion except sexual/romanic love?

I am writing a comparitive essay (or atleast I think it is called a comparative essay) on a couple of peices of art. It made me wonder about taste. Are the things that we find repuslive due to our genetics, our upbringing, or are they simply the opposites of what we pride ourself in? The woman in one of the works is very large, and very naked. Do I not like that becasue I like being skinny? Or has socioty indoctinated me into a "thin people only" sort of belief? And it is not simply that, she is also posed (I think) provocitivly. This forces the issue.

I had a dream about a mysterious brunett (or atleast I think brunett) woman who I am starting to think may have been a bit younger than me who I may have met on oasis (note: I think that either this person has not gone on this site before or I just have not met her or something like that or maybe she just does not exist at all who knows?) But I am very grateful to her, even if she only exists in my dreams. I think she is the first person I have ever really wanted to have sex with. Sure other people I like, and I fawn over, but she has shown me that maybe I do have those feelings.

I got rejected. Again. Why is everyone else in a relationship? What is this, Happy Feet? Everyone pair up your first year and never get out of a relationship. I problably should just go somewhere and die. No one wants me. I mean sure, people care. I'll give them that. But no one loves me in that way. Forget polyamourous. I have problems finding one person interested in me.

Well one of them is my tutor. I am thinking about asking him to come with me to the gay straight alliance I am setting up. I mean I don't really think he likes me, becasue don't you think if the person you liked hugged you, you would be like yeah :D but hes just like... ok... maybe he just likes me in a friendly way. Though I am not even sure that he likes me like that either. I think he is just all around friendly.

So I am in college now :D (This isn't what I was going to talk about but I still can't remember.) Its ok. Not too many cute guys. Looks like I will have to go back to judging people on their personality. Just kidding.
But seriously I am more attracted to people who, are good a something. Or are atleast smart. But I am still pretty shallow. Its a delicate balance.
I wonder why I can't get dates. Wait.... don't answear that question.

Im back from vacation and in college now. One problem. The college has been forced to use this evil math computer program that we have to do all of our homework on. *sob* for people like me who are no good at math it is like a nightmare. If you get so many questions wrong the system kicks you out and you have to start over. I have tried like five times with varying degrees of sucess but never completeing.
Time for some fun news. I am in karate now. It is so fun :D It isn't dance but it is still fun.

Less epic failure than usual! I heard back from the New Yorker. They did not want to use my poetry. However I did hear back from them. It was very nice of them to reply. I am so used to never hearing back from anything I apply too...

Sometimes I just can't watch Law and Order SVU. I just get so angry but once I start watching I just can't stop. Ohhhhhhh man. I am NOT having children.
Oh. My. Goodness. I am totally going to become a cop if this whole dancer/model/artist ect. Thing doesn't work out.
Also, thing number 2. People need to chill out. So what if someone has a naked pic. or something. Who CARES?