my sister is back. and she has one of those aweful headbands i hate. and those frindgy boots i hate even more and she brought her aweful friends.... more on this later.
Now one of my friends is really depressed I don't know how to cheer him up. any sugestions?

Oh! I am all alone
WHere are you my promiced lover?
Hope of my childhood
Promiced by my parents
Where are you my only one?
Whom I have looked for all my life
Promiced by everyone
But you have never come
Where are you my princess
Who I will always love
WHere are you my lover?
I will always wait
for you.

Im a bit down today. I got to thinking about my friend who died. I liked her so much, but I disliked her for a variety of good reasons that seem moot right now. She played people some times, and she was with one of the few people i really disliked. I wonder if she ever was upset with me? But through all that I really felt attracted too her, but she was too much of a people person to ever be with me. She usually had several boy or girl friends and I wrongly thought I wouldn't want to share her when now i knw that i wouldn't want to lose her. But now shes gone. for good. Why am I always attracted to people with so much charisma? They never like me the way I like them.

I walked through the vally of the city
there was no time for me.
it was no time for me.
It was the only time in which I shall ever be.

***
As she walked away
i knew it would never
could never be.
***
I thought I loved you
for a while
but when the feeling faded
where were you?
were you there to hold my hand
so that we could face eternity as friends?

So as i said before i got confused about prop eight yeseterday. i heard it passed and got all excited because i thougt that it meant that everyone could get married. Atleast i didn't go to coffee with my dad dressed as a rainbow to celebrate (a bad move becasue i know of atleast one person that would have protested either way).
so im happy that obama won... but that happieness is tinged by sadness as im pretty sure barr didn't even carry a state. :(

I walked away
and all you could say
is why you weren't there
i walked away
and all there was to say
is that you were never there.

well... i think i just lost my job. i have shingles (not a breakout right now but i still have it) and i want to work at a gym. apparently thats no good.
my mom wanted me to keep that to myself but if something happens and some old woman gets chicken pocks bc of me i don't think that i would be able to stand that. it might really hurt her.
My little dog just twitched her nose it was sooooooo cute i was like awwwwww come here! she ran from me *sob*.

I had a great day today, i got a job. the only problem is that it is at a gym and i have shingles.... i don't have a breakout right now but... im afraid i might lose my job becasue of it because you can spread it if you have a break out. well u can't spread shingles only chicken pocks and thats if the person has never had a breakout before.
i whent to my preacher to tell him about the lgbtq and straight club thingy that i want to start to support lgbt in my community. and i want to start one for schitzophrinia. he was very positive and totally behind it. he is even going to ask other preachers if they have any lgbtq or allies in their congregations to see if there are enough people for it to work.

You were HER
and
I was a nerd
in a skirt.
and you were HER.
I never told
never looked
never so much as sighed
maybe you had passions but they were never mine.

Moths fly on silvery wings
the partys for them
i can't even sing
moths fly on gossamer wings
try as they might
they can't make me sing
moths fall on netted wings
I would do anything
moths die on invisible wings
try as i might
i can't make them sing.

my life is like a peptobismal commertial more serious diseases than upset stomack indigestion and heartburn. its schitzopherinia, and depression to be precise. so im REALLY lucky its not bad, i just need meds. added to this list is lyme disease. which is pretty nasty as its caused by a tick bite (im not an out doorsey person so i dunno where it came from) but none the less i got it.
Thank goodness you can't spread lyme disease except for by tick bite otherwise i would quarintine myself off in my room and make my mom shove food through a flap under the door. i hate the idea of giving anyone anykind of disease.
So on another topic i whent to chuch today and wore my lepoard print tights (which i really like for some reason. im not really big on lepoard print but i liked this tights for some reason). and a black dress and black heels. I woke up and hour early to take a shower but i couldn't go back to sleep becasue i had a nightmare that i was back at my old school. so i was up and ready and hour early so i ate a pomagranate and watched spongebob. but by the time we got to church i was so exausted i nearly fell asleep.
i figured that you are supposed to pray for stuff at church so i prayed for a girlfriend. lets see how that works out.
hey peptobismal!
*shakes butt*

whipped cream
is
awesome.

sorry i just had to get that out of the way.
so now i think im bi. i don't think theres any denying it any more. i don't want to like guys but i do. its a sad fact of life. it could be a fun fact of life though... if i thought about it right. iv just never seen any reason for me to get serious with any guys. im not saying bi is bad. its a wonderful thing. i just didn't think it was right for me but now im thinking it is.

so yesterday was my birthday. my parents got me some awesome boots that i love. it was one of my best birthdays ever. my sister wasn't home and we went shopping. it was so much fun! and im getting russian rosetta stone. iv already started on russian but i don't quite have the alphabet down.

Im having a bit of a conversation with my dad about the people who believe that gays are going to hell. he says that they all pray for gay people while gay people are hostile towards them. I said their method was like trying to bleed someone it is only going to make you sick. I mean it does seem like they are nice enough people.... just wrong nice enough people... Im not saying what they are trying to do is right and Iv never seen how nasty it can get.....although I have heard of gay people being attacked... which sucks...(every time this happend and I hear about it my parents accuse me of making a big deal over it but I just happen to see killing somoene becasue of who they are is a big deal). So whose right? that is supposing any of this makes any sense.

I have completely lost myself on these meds. My head is so clear.... how do you stand it? I mean im used to having two seconds and suddently a new thought just jumps into my head from no where... but now... no thoughts... whatsoever... i mean i have thoughts when im thinking about things but none of this if i was a catipillar.... sort of stuff... its so BOARING.. someone please help me get my mind back!

Im trying to write a book. its about a girl who grows up in a place without responcibility or restrictions. you can even commit murder and then she has to go into what is more like the real world. she escapes with a boy. they get married. a guy desides he likes her then he kills her husband and marries her. then she runs off with a rebel. then she gets shot.
im having a hard time working on it. i just can't seem to get writing. so im sitting here eating frosting. im thinging about making it a short story but i think thats its too much too much to shove into a short story. any ideas on the story line? who thinks it needs work?

So im dating my ex again. And in the grand tradition of giving only the first letter of someones name lets call him E. And lets toss G, F, and a poorly punctuated O in there just to be confusing. (Note: neither G, F, or O: are real people)
So I don't know how I feel about E. Also E is a he. Im VERY unsure how I feel about that and I also have my relationship problems with O{ G and F are fine except F is somewhat contemptuous I think. But thats just me. How do you feel?