Nothing seems to be happening in my life. But seeing as I'm in charge of it, that probably makes sense, because I'm not doing anything. Just walking throughout the day. Standing, sitting, eating, sleeping. I talk when I'm supposed to. I laugh whenever I notice I'm supposed to. I basically live as minimally as I can get away with.

I know that I’ve always
Thought you so wise and true
But now that I question;
Can it still be true

That you have the flaws
I have seen before this time
While only in searching
For more
From

Nothing is Nowhere
is
know-how
is
how-to

How to do what you do

Never is how far
I’ve come for someone
Reliable

You’ve told me what
others can’t put into a phrase

I feel lost without someone to obsess over. I'm pointless without a person to crave. But somehow, it's more genuine than something, because I was only fooling myself in the first place.

I'm done with my homework and it's only 5. I think this is a first. And I did the actually assignment for English, instead of just writing what's in my head at the moment. So now I'm free to read and play music and shtufffs.

No megusta mi tarea.

School again. The monotonous act that seems to lengthen as the day goes on. Talking to certain people (just a type of person, not a specific person) makes me sick. I'd much rather be at home writing/playing/recording music. Reading or writing. Dancing in the rain.....

Yesterday was a Bad Bad Bad Bad day. I never really thought that a day without school could possible be a bad day. But it was. I was at home just pacing around and doing nothing. I knew I was supposed to be doing a lot of other shit I didn't want to think about. But I couldn't. I never even got out of my pajamas. I just read all day. I read The Passion, which was really good.

Looking forward to school?
Of COURSE?!?!? What are you talking about?
I mean, what's not to love about school?

I'm nearly hoooooome
that wondorous place where i can do nothing and have nothing to account for the time wasted.
I'm leaving this awesome snow-covered wonderland tomorrow morning. Bright and early, and they say. Now who is "they" anyway? And that saying has become obsolete with the invention of the lightbulb. "they" must be pretty old....

in our world
clouds soar above horizons
boundaries nevermore

in our world
meaning is everything
just
conceptualize
idealize
romanticize

'cuz in our world hope resides
and the truth replies
'cuz in our world we collide

in our world
the seasons go by
we compromise
by holding each other closer
in the wintertime
in the summer we run free
and in the fall we collect

I am now the proud, ecsatic owner of a
Violin
Trumpet
New Guitar
and I'm very very very happy
and my parents aren't because they're
very very very schreechy.
The guy at the music store described it as "dying cat."
Oh, well.
I'm going to learn how to play these instruments. I will. I command thee to be learned.

I am in New Hampshire. It is cold outside. It is warm inside. The reason that my brain is malfuctioning will be explained in the next sentance. My brain has been repeatedly frozed and thawed. I have been building snow forts and sledding. I have been drinking soy chai. I got a toy castle and knights for christams. They are amazing. My tooth is loose. It hurts. I have beeen reading many good books.

Finals are

OOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR

And I can relax
I can:
Read
Write
Play music
Listen to music
Go skiing
Build snowmen
Drink mulled cider
Freeze stuff
Eat chocolate
Draw
Make weird world things with my action figures
RECORD MY SONGS!!!!!!
Dance around in my pajamas while watching the Madonna "Jump" video. Again. :D
Not Think About School!

So. I'm not depressed. But I'm not happy anymore. I will be after school tomorrow, though. Just three more finals to get through and I'll be done. I'll be able to relax. I'll be able to read and write and play music. And I'll be happy then. But now I just need to memorize hundreds of theorems for tomorrow. And we're going to the nutcracker, so I'm supposed to be studying now. I really need to.

So what is a Q+, anyway?

That's the grade my English teacher gave me on my writing notebook thing that we turn in every so often and get back with comments all over the margins.. .And a grade.
Last time I got an A-. This time I got a Q+.

What could that mean?

She also wrote:
"How can your writing be SO off topic and yet SO engaging!?@X%!!!!
- Flummoxed english teacher"