first day of my life

the_loser — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:16:52 +0400

"This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning

now im free

the_loser — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 02:53:11 +0400

from what you want.

alive.

the_loser — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:05:31 +0400

i totally just spazzed out. but now im ok. holy shit that was so scary to me hahaha

fences.

the_loser — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:22:21 +0400

im getting frantic and i feel depressed. i haven't really been depressed for a while but i think tonight it will be bad. it only happened in the past few hours. its getting worse. its been awhile i guess im due. this sucks haha

creep

the_loser — Wed, 20 May 2009 04:50:40 +0400

I don't think myspace is a reliable source to meet friends or try to know someone. My friends have told me they hardly know anything about me, some have them have known me a while. I don't know if anyone really knows me, how far does the extent of 'know' even go? When people ask me about myself I tell them my interests. That's how I've seen myself. On myspace I don't have a couple of bullets saying what I love to do. I've only said, I have a sense of humor, do you? Afterall, I think that's the most important part anyone should ever know about me. I can't be defined by interests.

i really miss, what really did exist

the_loser — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 06:54:18 +0400

sometimes the blood from real cuts, feels real nice when it's really mine.
-for real

Every time I walk I forget how good it is for me. It's so cleansing. It feels as if everything in my mind just blows away and I feel content enough to be ok with everything. It's really nice.
Spring break is awesome.
I'm feeling pretty great. The last couple of days before break I was feeling a little distracted, out of it, and was in a daze. I thought for sure I'd start feeling depressed. But I didn't.

i dont belong here

the_loser — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 05:06:45 +0300

Rollercoasters are so fun. I wish I could ride one right now. Emotional rollar coasters are NOT fun. I wish I wasn't riding this one. Sugar crashes cause depression--If only for a short time.

Oh, my dear, when will we finally begin? When will we start? if ever we have a beginning...
Hey! Best friend! Where art thou? Have you grown bored of me??

not about to see your light.

the_loser — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 05:12:30 +0300

Children are the essence of purity, and the essence of innocence. They are unafflicted by the corruption of society, and the bias that the media forces upon us, on everyone. They are unjudgmental. Kids make friends with anyone without judgment. They don't care if you're rich or poor, what you look like, what clothes you wear, or what you're interested in. They just want to have fun. I wish that everyone else were as content and noncaring as them. When you reach junior high and high school, there are certain people you don't hang out with.

i want domination

the_loser — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 01:07:17 +0300

i want your submission.

To you-
I'm sorry I'm such a loser. I'm sorry I can't make it real. I'm sorry for everything I'm not, everything I am. I hate it. I'm sorry I can't be better.

i dont care if it hurts

the_loser — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 06:48:37 +0300

i want to have control.
i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.
-creep.

i hate your fucking boyfriend.

the_loser — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 07:29:51 +0300

haha i love schoolyard heroes :D

I haven't written in a while.
I figured out I only write when I am pretty messed up and feeling depressed. So it must be a good thing I haven't written in a while :D I've been in a great mood. It feels like spring is here, (besides the snow the other day) and the third trimester has finally begun! Woot! I love my classes so far and I think i probably will make some friends. I haven't really made any this year. How ridiculous!

six gun quota

the_loser — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 06:21:17 +0300

Lately it seems like everything is falling apart around me. I know I always say nothing really effects me, cause I know it will pass and I really don't care, but I'm starting to think everything has had a deeper impact on me. I'm starting to think it's been seeping in and it has just taken longer. The only thing that really has a direct effect on me is if I have a crush cause I go through major mood swings and shit.

Except the moment I decided to move on

the_loser — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 08:50:07 +0300

and I ignited.

I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying.
I am. Am I? Maybe I love self destructing more than recovering. Sometimes I think I could have a split personality. Half the time I'm helping myself and the other half the time I'm just trying to kill myself. Everything feels like a muddled mess.
One day at a time though. Woot for optimism.

...in the sky

the_loser — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 00:28:27 +0300

im surprised when i look in the mirror theres a reflection.
im surprised there is someone there, all this time i feel like i have no substance.
im surprised theres even a face. i feel like bliss.

explosions...

the_loser — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 00:12:48 +0300

"are you okay?" he asked
no, dad, im not okay, im an angsty emotional teenager who never gets out and sits alone in the house all day contemplating the purpose of my life.
"yeah, im just not hungry, you guys can go though"
i dont care for eating out much. i like the meals you throw together with whatever you find in the cuboard. it makes me feel resourceful.