My theology/religious studies teacher is my hero, and I would have never thought I'd be saying that.

Today in class we talked about almost nothing but being gay.

He told us about how a kid in his 2nd period class said he saw two guys making out and thought it was disgusting. And my teacher told the kid,

A few weeks back, I had this unusual premonition that today (5th May, Cinco de Mayo!) would be a good day.

Lo and behold, today was great.

So today was SundayOUT, a street festival thing that marks the end of Equality Forum here in Philly.

I went with my ESFH (Extra Special Fag Hag), Ashley, and we had a bitchin' time. Then again, any time I hang out with Ashley is bitchin', so w/e.

So we get there, and I can hear the dance music blasting as we come out of the subway station. And I say to myself, "Yup, I'm among my kind."

I have off school today.

Yet, here I am, at 7:28 AM, writing a journal.

I'm weird.

...in a short IM with my bff Ashley:

Me: GUESS WHAT
Ashley: AMAZING THINGS ARE AWESOME?
Me: BESIDES THAT AWESOME AMAZING FACT
Me: i bought a magazine with half-naked men in it today
Me: AND I WAS PROUD OF IT
Ashley: YAY
Ashley: its it jawesome ?
Me: yes, the articles are amazing XD
Ashley: oooh
Ashley: must bring so i can sees x3

I can't stop thinking about A. And I hate myself because of it.

I feel so empty. I just want him so bad, his kiss, his touch, his embrace... I want to hear his voice and I want to make him laugh...

I don't think I've obsessed over a boy this bad before. Not to the point of crying day after day and thinking about harming myself.

I just went on an emotional rollercoaster ride. I've never cried so hard over a boy before.

So get this, apparently A isn't exactly over his ex, he thinks about him all the time. S

So today I went over A's house for the first time since we... you know.

And um, to be short and to the point, we did it again.

And it was fucking amazing. So much better than last time.

This time, we got close to actually fucking, but I stopped him because I felt nervous and I wasn't really ready for that.

BUT ANYWAY! ONTO THE DETAILS! B/c I know thats what you all want.

Today, after religious studies/theology class, I wanted to hug my teacher.

Because he is probably the only non-homophobic theology teacher there. :D

Today we were going over various sexual morality issues, and some kid in class asked if it was a sin to be gay, and my teacher said no, and the kid asked my teacher if he thought being gay was a choice or biological, and my teacher said this:

I haven't really done anything over Spring Break, at all. I really just stayed home and read books and stuff. Well, no, Tuesday I had to go to school for a "retreat". Basically they assembled all the juniors, gave us a 1 hr. talk about abstinence (eww), gave us a 10 minute-break, gave us another presentation on internet safety (WTF?), made us sit through mass, and then sent us home.

I'm afraid my clinical depression is coming back.

I've been feeling down way more often than usual. The littlest things make me upset. Today, I thought about killing myself-- twice.

Yesterday was my last day at work. I quit my job 2 Mondays ago because of stress issues and uneasiness resulting from unethical processes at the company I worked at.

So this afternoon I was somewhat molested by my friend.

LOL.

Yeah, so it went like this:

I had yet another weird dream Thursday night. It was hot though.

Guess what I did today folks!!!

I QUIT MY JOB.