For the first time my mom and I openly discussed my sexuality. I had left her a letter Sunday before going to my friend's house [same day I told those friends] and had told her that I don't really want to talk about, I just didn't feel comfortable. And actually, I didn't feel comfortable about it today... not completely, anyway.
Coming out is remaining a beneficial experience. My two friends [and mom] act as they did before they knew. It's all normal, and I have a liberated feeling in knowing I'm not hiding anything.
I forget to mention how I left a letter for my mom before we went over to S's house.
I basically said that I didn't want to talk about in person just yet, and that I just wanted to let her know that I did like girls as well as guys, etc etc. [I'm sure she already knew, this was just confirmation.]
About a half hour ago, I came out to two of my best friends. [Unfortunately, the third one wasn't there] I left it to the absolute last minute [which I wish I hadn't so we had more time to talk about it or something] but I'm so glad I did it.
I woke up from a nap and was bugged by everyone and everything:
Friend didn't call me today, plans are looking weak for tomorrow, my coming out plan is dying, I hate having a reading schedule for English. and my crush's "who I'd like to meet" on myspace ["a boy who won't mind late night conversations and such"] Yeah whatever.
I really want to come out to 1) my mom, and 2) my three best friends. And soon. This weekend, maybe.
I was on the phone with my crush for quite a bit of time last night. Hour and a half or so. And boys seemed to have been a recurring theme. She kept bringing two up who had either messaged her or commented her on the space [which sounds middle-school status but it really wasn't. It was legit.]
"Take a Picture" by Filter is a beautiful song. I don't care if it's a 90's hit off the cheesy radio stations, it's wonderful.
I would like to say that one of my favorite things is to wake up at a semi-early time and look out my window and see a grey film of fog. No screaming warm sunshine, just a cool blanket of fog.
Today the girl of whom I take interest returned early from her short trip she took with the school. She suprised my friend and me and we quickly greeted her with big hugs etc.
I suppose I want to get this down to form a spine of what I might write later, so maybe the "plot" and "build-up" is a little more clear.
I almost feel a little ridiculous writing about a crush in an online journal, but I don't have anywhere else to share it besides my own mind, and it's nice to be able to see it on a new screen, you know?
Last night, I got home and just felt immensely disappointed.
It was realization that I was behind the line that she was chalking up that said "I AM STRAIGHT, WE ARE JUST FRIENDS."
Journal post #1 of a 17 year old girl who is labeled bisexual, and is-- for the majority-- closeted.
I joined this site about four days ago, and I felt comforted to read various discussions of people whom share something in common with me. It was a relief just to feel that "I'm not alone" wave of ease.