The past couple of nights [minus last night] the 13 year old girl [who will now have an acronym: M. Hopefully it's not taken] and I have been chatting on AIM.
Tonight has been wonderful. I wasn't running around with ten things to do and worry about, nor was I ignoring everything I love to do.
I painted. I made mixed CDs. I thought about cute girls. I had a hamburger with my mom. I went to Ojai with her to the humane society. [I'm working backwards].
I think all my friends know I'm gay. I'm sure even strangers get the hint. But I've got one [we're not super close, just know eachother from school] who has no idea.
I've had dreams of kissing girls that I wouldn't really ever want to kiss. Two nights in a row, two different girls.
I had to drink barbeque sauce mixed with milk [I want to vomit still], lick a cat's tail, and kiss S.
I only kissed S on the cheek because she hasn't been kissed yet. She had to kiss Y but only on the cheek for same reason. I felt bad for announcing said reason; it embarrassed S =[
I almost hate to admit it, but I want to see a therapist. I'm not depressed or anything, but I've just realized a few things that I feel backed in a corner about.
This past year has been kinda hard. For starters, I came out. I realized my true sexuality and am now a proud lesbian with about 95% of my friends in the know and accepting. It all went well, but it is a tad stressful.
And for once, it's not my mom. For the first time in ages, I'm sick.
Coughing, fever, headache. I worked 6 hours and 20 fucking minutes yesterday. I'm on my feet the entire time. All achey and shit. I'm calling in sick today.
I actually grew on my short hair, as in, the cut I had a couple months ago.
I got nice gifts for Christmas. I think the thing I love the most is my argyle sweater and the third season of Ghost Hunters.
On my wishlist was some sort of stuffed critter. I gave examples: horse, kitty, penguin [C has one I'm in love with. Won it for her at the fair], etc. I wanted one that was fairly large and easy to cuddle with. C granted this, but at the same time not.
I don't think I've slept very well in the past few days. Last night almost felt like it, but it was a night at C's and space gets limited with two on a double bed. We watched Ghost Hunters last night [she gave me the DVD for Christmas!] and it was night so it stuck in a negative way. I woke up in the middle of the night and swore I saw what looked like a light reflection.
The band I've quit [but am playing this last show with] is playing at the drummer's church tonight. I'm going to have a snack and head over to his house, jam, pick shit up, and leave!
I know I'm not up to date on this site. A lot of detail about my life is left out. Like how my mom was in the hospital again just two weeks ago after her visit a month before that. She has low immune system so whenever she breaks out in fever she has to go where she can fight it, because she can't do it on her own.
Today someone asked me if I was in to girls. I was talking to a friend about the aqcuaintance many of my friends have with the young cute girl's brother, when one of my friends asks "who's the 13 year old?" Friend one said "the one who's down for her. She's a cute 13 year old." Friend two then asks "Are you in to girls?" I turned bright red, responded yes.
I feel overwhelmed. I have a lot to say and only so much room to say everything I want.
Title says it all.
I haven't been posting on here very much. At all. So you all are a little behind on my life. I quit the band. Had my last show last night. Story behind that, but later. My relationship with C has grown in a different direction, and tonight we became just friends.