I lasted from 6am to 9pm. I slipped here and there in between, said "sorry" and "yes, no" a couple times, but I did it. It feels good to talk again.
The scoop on why ish with cute girl isn't really as good as I might've thought:
My negative entry about the poor set my band played at the crappy party and the rather adorable girl who was with a guy has taken a twist.
To spending an hour looking for a Guitar Center that doesn't exist in a city I don't live in. To playing horribly at a girl's sixteenth birthday party.
Talking about sex with boys is something entirely different than with girls. For one, with girls, it's a bit more sheltered. More delicate [if ever even brought up]. With boys it's on the same level as sports results.
March 25th, 2007 was the day I officially came out to C, S, and my mom.
I call it my first year of freedom.
In other news:
I'm a single lady now. And it was actually a mutual split.
I feel like shit. My head hurts and I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed restless and uncomfortable for an hour full of anxiety and frustration.
I've been Debbie Downer lately, especially in posts on here. Unfortunately, I haven't been very happy so I apologize for the matching entries.
S pissed me off today.
Aside from that delicious picture of Ellen Page [in which I said "fuck it" and put it under my who I'd like to meet], I haven't been feeling well these days.
Physically, my arm killed me the other night with a constant sort of charlie-horse and I cut my thumb really gnarly on my backpack the other day. But it's mentally that's dragging.
Posting this on a myspace wouldn't do because no one would appreciate like some fellow lesbians:
I just want to shit my pants she is so fucking sexy in this picture.
Sometimes I think I talk about it too much, monopolize conversation, work it into every situation, twist perspectives, think about it too much, bring it up uneccesarily, make it too known, am too righteous and defensive.
My friends, my mom, my word documents, my mind are all exhausted.
I need gay friends.
I had to report a funny event that happened yesterday.
At school, there's a girl who sets my gaydar off very clearly. She dresses a lot like me with the boys shirts and jeans and a loose fitting jacket. She's actually quite cute, blonde hair down to her ears or a little longer, a nice face. Young, though [freshman]. And I swear to God this girl likes those of her kind.
A friend let me borrow it and now I am in love. C and I cleaned off season one this weekend.
Who would've thought?
Cute cute boy. He's the drummer for the band I'm in. If I was straight I'd eat this shit right up.
But this was my favorite:
Last night was Sprinkle's birthday party. [Forget acronyms. Her last name is too cool]. And we played spin the bottle!! Yeah, I kissed boys! But more importantly, girls. C, Y, and Sprinkle. All friends, and I didn't mind. I have pictures on my phone and I think there's some on someone's digital camera, but not in possession yet.