WHY do I have a panic attack every time I take medicine now? I asked my mom to get Benadryl so I could sleep before 4AM for once...and of course she got the wrong kind, she got Benadryl D with phenylephrine or something like that. Now anyone else would be like whatever and take it anyway.
Not me. I took like 1/10 of the teeny pill and my hands started shaking and my head felt like a pressurised cooker and everything that constitutes a panic attack. I guess I was thinking that the same thing would happen as with the Robitussin...which I can never take again after my little joyride with it 2 YEARS ago. Now all medicine does that to me, especially if I don't know what's in it. If I don't know what it is, I usually won't even take it. I keep thinking it will be 10th grade all over again.
Day after day of anxiety. Really bad, interruptive anxiety. I felt dizzy all the time, I couldn't concentrate, etc. All because of the Robitussin...but ANYWAY.....
I just took 1/10 of a Benadryl a few minutes ago and I'm still feeling anxious.
Whether I would have taken it or not, I would feel bad.
1. If I did, I get anxiety. This is proven as I do right now.
2. If I didn't take it, I'd feel like an invalid. Which I do whenever I can't do something. Which is why I kept smoking after my 15th birthday after my 1st MASSIVE panic attack.
It's sad. :'( It makes me wonder if I will be able to live on my own. The same thing happens when I go somewhere new, in crowds, around drugs, around cigarettes, around drinking, in seedy cafés, with drug USERS (because I always think they'll rip out a joint in front of me, and which is too bad because they were the kinds of people I got along with best), all that. It's so bad. And it started in 10th grade. Before that, I could have done anything. I went to Las Vegas by myself when I was 13. Could I do that now or would I have a panic attack?
It's so sad. :'( :'(

I was the sign and I was the stencil
maybe i’m right “yeah and maybe I’m toothpaste”
I wish ma mère was here to drift, drift, drift
my sentiments bound me in a bathtub of whatnot
driving the car of wherever sometimes
and the white snowflake drifts along I40-somewhere
33-34 american border wafting and washing wasting and pacing
outside the kennel sick like a bulldog
wasted like a trashcan clean like the mailman

the mailman can fool you he’s not propaganda
he’s not tepid stories, he doesn’t have your letter
he doesn’t have your fan mail
he doesn’t have your birthday card
he didn’t take your suitcase
they didn’t take your paper
they didn’t feel your mummy
they wouldn’t ride your trailer

now i feel like something

now i wrote that letter
and i wouldn’t send it
if it took me a decade
and 10 weeks will pass till
i’ll call you with telegrams
and frantic and hectic
explaining my worries:
the mailman can fool you
but he doesn’t have your letter
he’s not apt to your anger,
and he doesn’t have your fan mail
he doesn’t have your birthday card
and they didn’t take your suitcase
they didn’t write your paper
they didn’t feel your mummy
they wouldn’t feel your mummy
they wouldn’t ride your trailer
i didn’t write that letter
to use all my change on
the stamps that are teflon
when i should use the pavement
for you live right beside me

you live right in front of me
but i wanted to write it
i wanted to sign it
i wanted to punctuate it

I am only writing this because I have nothing else to do. And this is my social outlet.
1. I got PAINT on my RECORD while painting my stupid wall. TONIGHT by David Bowie. The side with Blue Jean and Neighborhood Threat aka the good side. sing goddamm
2. I would be so sad if David Bowie died. I can't even tell you how sad I would be. There was a period in 11th grade when I was consumed with this thought. WHy? He's not my family. And still. I can't handle death.
3. Pictures of David Bowie.



I just got this huge ass advertisement from photobucket, which almost broke down my computer. Thanks a lot.
4. I hate seeing people I "used to know". o o o
5. I am still studying French. It takes watching a movie in French sometimes to realise how hard it really is. There were abbreviations and slang all around. And the movie was boring.
6. I'm still bored. What am I going to do tomorrow? Sleep until 2 again and go to the mall MAYBE. But probably stay at home and/or go to the library again. I swear if I was their only patron they'd still be fine. I go every day and usually stay 2 hours. It's not even a big library. I don't even like reading.
7. OMG! The "Vote Yes For Marriage" sign I stole from the church!

This was a long long time ago, back when Virginia was still debating this issue. Why even bring it up? Do they know what Virginia consists of?
8. This is a story. I went to Burger King last night with CC and my friend was being a huge penis. I guess work does that to people but really for someone who TOLD me about the job in the first place she's not trying very hard now to help me get it. I left a message at the place, I called her about it, I even went there and yet something tells me I'm not getting the job. So, today, I have to call one place, give one place my application, and wait for one place to call me. I have all that lined up while most people, like I said before, get called back the next day. FUCK
SING GODDAMM
I don't understand my friends. They get all bitchy ass on me sometimes eh and I am sick of people telling me "you don't want a job, it sucks!"
Well guess what?
I
Fucking
Need
The
Money

I want to move to Canada or England.
And how can I do that without money? I ask you this.
Fucking society. I'm trying to Contribute and no one wants me. CC said it's cos of my spectrum but I tell you that's no excuse for most people.
I see the gayest people on tv anyway working at the most hicksville places, and I think I am pretty feminine SING GODDAMM! What's up with this? I ask you.
I'm carrying a huge grudge at the moment. That will be with me for life. I mean this is scarring. Can you imagine?

Let me apologise in advance for posting THREE times in the past 2 days.
But I have 2 things to report my flailing opinion on in.....

RACE RELATIONS NEWS.
1. I saw a commercial yesterday on Free Speech TV, the most liberal channel ever to come out on public access that I am aware of. The setting was a restaurant, and some guy was screaming "I WANTED WHOLE WHEAT BREAD!" so of course I thought it was going to be a health commercial. It was not. Some Spanish guy gave him more bread, and the guy was like "What is this??!!.....I SAID WHOLE WHEAT!" And some lady came over and gave him the right kind of bread. So the guy said to his fellow patron, "If you work in America, I mean you just have to learn English" etc. something along those lines. "You know what I mean?"
And some other guy said "No, I don't."
And the entire restaurant stared at this guy with a pure pure hatred that I could sense through the screen.

Should I feel guilty for agreeing with Whole Wheat Man? I am planning on moving to a francophone country. I am trying REALLY hard to learn French. It's common sense. If you want to move somewhere, speak the language. Make an effort. If you actually ARE living there, I think you'd have to make an effort NOT to learn the language.
His opposers said to me that they want all immigrants in the US despite their difficulties with English. Fine. All I'm saying is, TRY to LEARN it!!

2. Hispanic population up 65% in Roanoke. This explains why everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, now has Spanish subtitles. Toilet paper, Home Depot signs, Kroger, the city bus, etc. etc. etc.

"The number of Hispanic people in the Roanoke metro area increased 65 percent -- faster than the statewide average -- between 2000 and 2006, according to Census Bureau estimates made public today.

The Hispanic numbers were strong enough to match up with BB&T Bank's experience in offering services aimed at Spanish-speaking customers. A.C. McGraw, BB&T's regional spokeswoman, said the bank's two branches in Roanoke that offer specialty services to Hispanics have noted moderate growth in household accounts -- enough to justify continuing the service.

Hispanics now make up 1.8 percent of the Roanoke metro area's population. That's up from 1.1 percent in 2000, making them the fastest-growing minority group." roanoke.com

All I have to say to that is, I TOTALLY saw it coming.
But hell, still, 1.8% doesn't constitute mandatory Spanish subtitling on EVERYTHING to me. Once again, learn the damn language. Subtitles aren't helping anyone.
The thing that annoys me most is the subtitling of simple things. Like on the toilet paper, it actually translates what it is into Spanish. If you can't tell what it is by looking at it, you are fucking stupid and shouldn't be buying something if you can't tell what it is. And I DO wonder how stupid it makes the Spanish speakers feel. If I went to a francophone country and I saw everything subtitled in English (something tells me I will, though), I would feel quite disappointed that they think I can't figure out where the exit is on the bus...you know what I mean?
"No, I don't."
Comments, telling me I'm racist, etc. is welcomed.

1. Go to the airport and exchange dollars to pounds.
2. Go to England and/or change back to dollars at a later time when the conversion rate gets up to 1:4...which will happen soon.

Voilà.

I am SO BORED I WANT TO DIEEEEEEEEEE.
\
Here is my day.
I got up between 1:30 and 2. I look at French websites. I waited for my mom to come back from work so I could get coffee. I was quite depressed at this time. And tired. Like the summer always brings. So, she came back finally and I got coffee from sheetz. It cost 5¢ more than I thought it would. I pissed a LOT of people off on the roads today.
1. At a stoplight, I, turning, was supposed to yield to the other side. Which I did for 5 seconds, but when the lady was obviously not going, I turned. While turning, I THEN saw her start to move.
2. At sheetz, I tried getting into a parking space, then saw a car barrelling toward me, so I had to swerve and do some maneuvering to get into another space. Crooked. AND I got a Look from that old bitch driving, besides.
3. I was super pissed at this time. So, in sheetz, when some guy looked like he was trying to get past the line, I let him go, but then he turned out to only want to stand behind me in line! And I felt stupid. But at least the guy called me ma'am. GASP oh that was exciting.

I signed up for a penpal site and got literally about 40 replies. I was expecting maybe 2. Most of them were illiterate or 30, so I only wrote back to maybe 5. Yet they keep coming.

I called Burger King, where I was basically guaranteed a job, and they didn't answer. So I left a message saying "I was wondering if you read my application. You can call me at..." Was that wrong?
In my defense, I've never had a SUCCESSFUL job call-back.

I was not free from hatred today. Nor was I free from the hatred from two goddamm mosquitoes, which I believe came in with my cat, who decided to sit directly behind me.
I was thinking about school. It's a prison. Like the Sex Pistols song. But when you're in 12th grade, you can't exactly be rebellious anymore so I have to deal with it.
It can't be as bad as summer though. *throws up*
I had a school dream a couple of days ago in which I was being my old 14 year old DXM-romancing self. It was fun. But it scared me.
I remember 9th grade. I felt like a drunk most of the time. And yet strangely at peace.
Whereas now, I'd be panicked out of my freaking gourd if anything like that occurred to me again. I can hardly handle coffee. If it affects my balance and/or vision, I say no.
Then I say I wish.

I think I grew this summer. Horizontally! haha! But really. At least I'm not into any women and hopefully won't be cos I have to concentrate on school this year.
How boring.
And yet, strangely peaceful.

I've read in many a travel book that tourists "like France but hate the French." How can an self-respecting person go to a country with that pretense? No wonder they come back saying the French were "rude to them". Combined with tourists who don't make any effort to learn French, it doesn't surprise me.
J'adore le pays.
J'adore la langue.
J'adore la francophonie.
After reading a merry book along the lines of "So You Want to Move to Canada", I decided...well, redecided...that I want to move to Montréal. According to that book, it's the least expensive of the three big cities (Vancouver, Toronto, and Montréal), the least tourist-ridden, it's 80% francophone, and it's the most gay friendly, cultural, and interesting.

So this inspired me to learn some more French and OMG.
I downloaded a computer game in French.
http://www.jimmyr.com/blog/free_learn_french_resources_100_2006.php
And then I followed links and read some instructions in French...it took me a while but I think I got it.
I downloaded Mario but it got boring.
"Mario, la chaîne! Vis la chaîne!"
...Ok, I died.

I think I'm at a disadvantage because I was watching "Teaching foreign languages to K-12" on the Teaching Channel and good god. There were KINDERGARTENERS comprehending the teacher when these losers in my class can't remember what "Vous" means sometimes. I would like to ask my French teacher next year to conduct the lessons entirely in French. That would make me happy. Because you can get French texts anywhere...but for audio, I have to rely on CCTV. International. Which is French people talking about China.
I know, I get weird channels.

OH YEAH before j'oublie...the school called today and told me I DIDN'T GET PHOTOGRAPHY AND SOCIOLOGY!!!!!! THEY'RE GIVING ME TWO STUDY HALLS!!!!!! I knew it would get messed up somehow.
I'm a senior, dammit, don't I get priority?? If I find out freshmen got that class I WILL BE SO PISSED OFF you don't even know.
I hate that school sometimes. I can only hope they didn't give me Recreational Activities with Mrs. Wright again. It's bad enough I failed her class THREE times.
She's such a manipulative bag.

Anyway...Je Veux Aller Au Canada!
I'm looking for colleges in Canada but the only one I might quality for with my 2.0 GPA is Simon Fraser University in Vancouver...which is Definitely nowhere near Montréal. Oh well at least it's Canada and not the stupid US. The only thing the US is good for is New York and maybe a few other cities...and New York's getting gentrified up the ass so there goes the US for me, I'm migrating north.
I still want to go to London...because I like the British more than the French if that's possible...but I'm scared to fly over the ocean.

Oh yeah, and the title:
I said "French kicks German's butt" to a guy in passing after he said "I have no interest in learning French" to his lady friend. It was envigorating.

I have a headache.
As usual.
I feel like I have an ulcer.
As usual.
I'm tired at an inappropriate hour.
As usual.
I'm mad because I'm having job difficulties.
As usual.
I hate listening to people's relationships. And seeing them.
I don't want one anymore. I'm a recluse.
I feel like shouting "DAMN ALL YOUR NAUSEATING RELATIONSHIPS!! There are more important things!! You sicken me!!" from the mountaintops.
Like yesterday, my friend started talking to some guy who ignored me (of course), and they talked for like half an hour while I waited for him to leave already so we could go back inside and practise.
I felt like telling them, "don't you have ANY manners at all?? What's wrong with you?? I don't know WHO you are gossiping about, and I don't know if you remember but we were in the middle of something. So get the fuck out, little boy who is too good to acknowledge me."
Am I the only musician who would rather practise than chatter?
I can't go to college like this. All antisocial. I'm falling apart.

I already fell apart.

Question #1: What kinds of aid can you use in the US to study in another country? Federal loans; grants; private loans; scholarships; all; none; some?
NOT study abroad!! NOT STUDY ABROAD!!!!! I mean I am applying to these schools directly.

Question #2: Do they really expect you to have enough money in the bank at one time to fund your education and all living expenses? Can you use financial aid for part of this? And exactly how much money do you need to get in??? I am talking mainly about Canada; although I might like to transfer into a UK school if they'd let me.

A lot of people hate Michael Moore. After seeing Sicko, I could definitely see why. And although I had to wonder where he gets his cynical statistics, I feel like we need more people like him running around.
Here is a quote from a book he wrote called Downsize This!:

"Maybe the reason the majority of Americans don't vote is that they're tired of having to choose between Tweedledum and Tweedlydumber. The choices are always so pathetic, aren't they? If you went to a restaurant and the waiter told you, 'We're sorry, but the only choices we have left on the menu are cottage cheese and fried breadsticks,' you'd leave. Nobody would think you were crazy, lazy, apathetic, or not hungry. In fact, imagine this was the only restaurant in town and there was nowhere else to eat. You'd be desperate to find someplace that had what you wanted.
Our American political system is like that restaurant. Most citizens don't vote--not because they're not hungry to participate, but because they've shown up and there's nothing but crap left on the menu. Because it is almost impossible for a third party to make it on the ballot and get proper media coverage, the voter has nowhehre else to go. If the voter does decide to go to the polls, there's always that empty feeling in the gut. Who among us marches proudly into the voting booth thinking, I can't wait to vote for these great men and women of vision!"

I remember one of my parents saying (their opinions being often interchangeable) that whoever doesn't vote has no right to complain about the country. Only years later at the tender age of 16, realising to what extent their conservative jingoism truly spread, could I realise that the parental propaganda they sometimes shot at my sister and me was really only a narrow right-wing outlook. They were (and still are, for the most part) racist, homophobic, anti-immigration, pro-Bush, pro-war, pro-American nationalism, and expecially pro-"this country is being run just fine". I thought this was normal. Especially since we moved to the south when I was only 6, and that kind of view was basically consistent all around me.
It's hard getting past something like that being ingrained into one's skull so directly and ceaselessly. I thought, when first discovering what can be vaguely classified as liberalism at age 14 or 15, that I was embarking on the fringe. Little did I know that was seemed like the underground was actually a large minefield.
I raised myself on Free Speech TV and documentaries. Since then, I have tried so hard not to come off as racist or prejudiced. And yet, even now, I see the faults in one-sided medias, albeit something as "fringe" as Free Speech TV. The main complaint the channel gets is its extreme leftist politics. After awhile, I had to agree.
I try to balance out others' opinions, no matter what side they are attacking. My mom said Obama was a "terrorist", and I told her to stop getting all her information from email. I also try to balance my liberal friends' distorted views with a few facts of logic, but I can't think of any right now.

Well, that was my essay. I didn't even mean for it to turn into an essay.

On to travel.
I narrowed my list from Montréal, London, Seattle, Portland, and France to eliminate Portland. Then I put Portland back on.
If I moved to France, it would be to Normandy, Brittany, or Toulouse. Paris is too touristy.
If I moved to Canada it would be to Montréal or Vancouver. It depends on which side of the US I end up on.
I want to move to London only because I don't want to own a car and it's close to France. Otherwise I wouldn't mind Bristol or any other place in England, because I love England regardless. Regardless of whether I've ever been there, which I haven't.
Then there's Seattle and Portland. Not San Francisco because it's too expensive.
Not Boston because I heard it's too segregated.
Not Philadelphia because I don't like Pennsylvania and besides, I bet all they have are museums.
Not Minneapolis because I don't want to live in the middle of the country's width.
New York City. Here we go. I wanted to live in New York for what, 8 years now? But unfortunately, everywhere I look it's being "gentrified." My grave disappointment when I first realised this is actually happening cannot be described with words. Every single neighborhood in Manhattan. Many neighborhoods in Brooklyn. According to one source, "Only a few years ago, Times Square was the seediest part of the city. Now, there is a Disney store." I have seen the Disney store. It sickens me.
Where is the New York of Lou Reed's days? Of course, I can't say much, because I don't live there, but I can react to what I've heard. New York IS dying.

Well damn. Back in my day a young lass could get bass tabs off the internet any old time, any old place. Now, my only reliable source (bassmasta.net) has revoked all their tabs. Because it's "illegal now". Because it's "infringing on copyrights." Yeah right. What about DOWNLOADING? The RIAA hasn't done much to stop THEM...and yet simple TABS have been prohibited.
And what, might I ask, copyrights would these be? Am I not allowed to play other peoples' songs on my bass anymore? If I do, god FORBID I show someone ELSE how to play it, all while NOT saying it's mine, while NOT saying I wrote it.
There must be some ulterior governmental reason behind it.

Well, out of pure boredom, I made a list of all the things I did this summer, from June 12 to August 1.
"Quelles choses Laura a-t-elle fait pendant ces beaux mois d’été?"
1. Wrote 2 songs: Michael, The Golden Hour
2. Wrote a film and a song for it: The Dreams of the Feverish
3. Looked for jobs in vain: Walmart, Kroger's, Macado's, Mac & Bob's, Mill Mountain Coffee, Starbucks, Subway, Burger King, Fuddruckers, Hardee's, Movie Gallery, Sam's Hot Dogs, Replay, Barnes & Noble, CVS, TGI Friday's, Daily Grind
4. Went to princetonreview.com, collegeboard.com, and studentsreview.com, and looked up colleges: Eugene Lang, Sarah Lawrence, Lewis & Clark, Chatham University, Hampshire College, UMass Amherst, Ithaca College, University of Rochester
5. Tried to learn some Russian: как ваш завут?
6. Read a few books: Election, The Cheese Monkeys, Pagan Babies
7. Practised a little french: Pas beaucoup
8. Listened to music: Velvet Underground, The Gossip, Elvis Costello, ABC, Violent Femmes, Billy Joel, Patti Smith, David Bowie, Men WIthout Hats, Beethoven, Pere Ubu, Eurythmics, Talking Heads, Public Image Ltd., The Clash
9. Played music: Not as much as I would have liked though.
10. Painted a lovely flower: Even though it's too dark and looks bad.
11. Stripped plaster: Not fun.
12. Moved furniture and cleared walls in bedroom: Out of sheer boredom. There is much more room now.
13. Watched the Democratic Debates: And decided I hate all politicians and that I'm fleeing the country (SEE #20)
14. Wrote application essays: 2 for Eugene Lang, 1 for Sarah Lawrence, and my Common Application essay
15. Wrote some poems - Weight of a Folly, Ton Chant, Natalie..., wait v5
16. Frequented Oasis and Facebook day after day
17. Got exceedingly bored. Exceedingly.: Tried to get out of the house as much as possible, but after a while...you run out of places to go.
18. Went to sheetz for coffee and wasted way too much money
19. Spent hours in the library. Hours.
20. Decided I wanted to move: After a few years in college, I might either move to Portland or Seattle, and/or flee the country for Québec, England, or France.

Now you know my inner psyche.
I'm so bored.
Exceedingly bored.
Exceedingly.

I'm watching the Colbert Report and there is this lady talking about Christians have lost sight of true religion. Haha he said "do you hear them applauding the sanctity of marriage"...and all this talk about religion is making me go Haha stupid Christians in the depths of my mind. I haven't encountered any hateful Christians recently otherwise I would set them straight about how unevil atheism is.
Once I wore a shirt to school that said "Atheism is not evil!". No one said anything :'( It was cool though; I'm going to do it again. I'm happy I don't have religion holding me down. CC said that she wants a community and that I can't go see churches with her because we 'have different reasons for wating to go". I agree...but how does SHE know what my reasons are?? I want to go to a Catholic church, a Jewish synagogue (I think they'll only let me into a Reform congregation), and the Metropolitan Community Church, just to see what that's all about.
Not to "find my place" though; I don't need a religion to be a good person. Yay to having your own values.
I remember in 9th grade, telling the vice principal I didn't believe in right or wrong, and then telling my mom. Neither one understood me...I still don't really, cos morals are grounded in religion. I'm not going to go out and kill someone because "omg I just don't know right from wrong"...but then it got too complicated trying not to use the words right and wrong...so I stopped telling people about that. I told them I believe in actions and consequences instead.
Oh well.

In other news, my TV works again. It's on the floor now. I also took down my posters and my Wall of Feminism. It was kind of sad...my Clockwork Orange poster is ruined from my careless tape usage over the years. I rolled up Ziggy Stardust and that other poster by whats-his-name...since we found unwanted paint cans in Home Depot for $5 per gallon, my mom said she'd pay for the can so I am painting my room again!
Whatever color happens to be there, is the color I'm painting it. Even if it's pink or diaherria yellow.
My mom wanted to paint the living room diaherria yellow. And the ceiling brown. Talk about a bad color combination. I think she since changed her mind, so it's ok.

I'm watching stupid Will and Grace. I hate this show so much. I'm waiting for Blind Date, as usual.
Ahh it's good to have my TV back.
I don't think I recommend Pagan Babies anymore. It's depressing. All people do is drink and be "chagrined". I mean dammit, Greg Johnson, use a damn thesaurus. They don't have to be "chagrined" all the time. You think you're so cool, but if you were really cool you'd have read your book over and realise you used the word about 40 times.
He also referenced a "balmy April day" twice. His vocabulary is seriously ruining the book, more so than the destructive lifestyles of the characters. I can't wait until I'm done with this stupid book.
I'm going to read "Primary Whites" next, which is about a conservative campaign gone awry. It sounds interesting. Especially since it says "by Anonymous, who also wrote Kama Sutra and Beowulf". hehe.

I don't recommend the No Shame Theatre anymore either. This one guy, for his scene, ate ice cream for 5 minutes. It might be avant garde anywhere else, but really. For god's sake. Someone actually came up to him and said how great it was, was there any deep meaning for it?
I got a great scene for my movie out of it though.
OMG this girl came up to me after and she was like HEY and I was like HEY and she said, what are you taping? All suspicious and I said I just needed a 6 second scene of people talking. (I ended up not using that particular scene). Then she just left. It was weird. But then my dad said "That was a man, you know" and I was like WTF? No it wasn't? I feel he was jealous though because he was looking at her and her friend the whole time.
It's gross being with him because we look at the same girls.
Does NOT make me feel very good.
Not to mention he's obnoxious around people. Everyone at the No Shame Theatre that he tried to talk to radiated a "oh god that lonely old guy is trying to talk to me again"...I really have to stop being with him in public.

That's from a poem from 1295 or something. I got a sudden interest in old english poems today in the library. And even though I already knew the poem from trying to find the Ezra Pound satirical remix, I still got this thick thick book of poems from the 13th to 19th century.
I was in the library forever. I spent a disproportionate amount of time there. I really get into the nonfiction, namely the politics and poetry, but as soon as I get home, the books lose all potential to me.
But since my TV was sacrificed I will have more reason to read. It's hard to read a boring book though; that's why I got like 10.
I'm listening to Public Image Ltd. It's bringing me back to 9th grade. I listened to Public Image Ltd., Sex Pistols, The Buzzcocks, The Stooges, David Bowie, Marilyn Manson, Dead Kennedys, The Clash, and the Ramones. When I was 13 I listened to Cream, Led Zeppelin, David Bowie, and The Doors. Then in 10th grade I listened to Mott the Hoople and Velvet Underground and David Bowie. I was so into glam rock.
It's interesting.

But enough about me. I spent a good part of the day stabbing the wall today. We're trying to get all the plaster off the walls in the living room because my mom is insane and decided to take it all off when such lengths are in fact unnecessary. But we're repainting it orange.

Still mad that I won't have a car next year.
Still mad that CC has a job and I don't.
Still mad that I don't have anyone to do stuff with, which could possibly be the cause of me feeling so old these days. In 9th grade I was cool but now.....I'm shrivelling. Not like I had friends then either, but things seemed to go better. I'm so boring.
Still feeling resentful.
Still hate hearing about people getting jobs, boyfriends, girlfriends, going out of town, doing things, etc.
Still can't wait to go back to school.

Have you ever been addicted to something so that when it was pulled from you, you didn't mind because you knew it was for the best? Well, that's what happened to my TV today.
I finally finished my film, "The Dreams of the Feverish" today, and while trying to drag in the VHS/DVD player into my room and connect and disconnect the appropriate cables, my satellite box fell. Yes it did. And all for nothing, because all I wanted to do was record my movie from VHS to DVD and it couldn't even do that. And when my movie was playing, it was a bad picture anyway. So much for new DVD players.
Anyway, that's what filmmaking makes one sacrifice. My TV, my health, my sanity.
Before, I couldn't go a night without TV. But now I guess I have to. And they're pulling down the ceiling for reconstruction finally in the living room so that TV is off limits. Not like I'd like very much to sit in there until 4AM and THEN slither into my room in the dark. I guess I am going to read my book then.
I thought, TV had too much of a hold on me anyway. I remember the old days when I didn't have my TV, or it was on the floor across the room, and I read instead.
I am now reading Pagan Babies. It's getting pretty good, which isn't something I can say of most books. Fiction or otherwise.

I know I hated 11th grade, but I can't wait to go back to school anyway. It will be my last first day of school! I can't believe it. Oh well I will be sick of it by the last day anyway.

Oh yeah,, and I also lost the cable that connected my tape recorder to my computer. It's back to analog!