Just out of curiousity...Did anybody else notice the flashing boobs??? It's a rather amazing improvement over the half naked male models...But thats just me...and I like girls... ;)

I woke up this morning and just layed in the sunshine...I've been having odd dreams. I don't usually remember my dreams and when I do...usually it's a little too realistic and is more than slightly prophetic...

Tonight...hmm...Tonight is...
bleak,
blah,
empty,
consticted.
I can't breath...But that's the life of an asthmatic...I don't really want to do anything...I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to eat. I don't want to talk, smile, read. But I'm not sure what to do with myself...So here I am.
I.
Need.
Her.

Since I started high school, I've had three friends die. I just found out that my friend Pat is dead. I'm sick of this.

[Edit]

HIGH. High as a kite, jet liners at 35,000 feet...Not on purpose...I suppose this is another entry in the Vicodin Diaries.

Today was a good day...I looked cute...and hmm...felt wanted?

I am so proud of my mother. I could go on and on about how strong she is because I've subjected her to a lot in the attempt to escape from my father. But that is old news. Today I am proud of her because this morning we had a disscusion about gay rights, correct terms for trans-sexuals and etc. Wow. It just completely blew my mind. I've discovered that we agree on a lot of issues.

I'm lonely.
I miss hugs, kisses and even sex...
Now, I think I'm a decent person. Occasionally I get mad, but I'm a calm rational angry person. I'm not real into drugs or drinking, but I'll pretty much do anything just for the experience. I like to make people laugh. People say I'm pretty. I'm not stupid, I'm responsible when it comes to important things...Maybe I just don't understand...

Today I feel: Slow, retarded, fat, incompetint, lazy, tired, useless, injured, depressed, and ready to give up. My shoulder hurts like a bitch, I can't swim, dive, function. I can feel the break down coming. I'm pmsing. I miss that girl with a passion. I just poked myself in the eye. I can't wear shoes because I smacked my foot on the diving board in practice today. GO FUCKING ME.

Because I'm in love. And I have been for years. Stars shine a little brighter but the nights linger a little longer. That's when I miss her the most. The nights where I would be falling asleep in her arms if she was here. And for a while, I was lost. A blank face in a world of comotion. Part of me knows 100% who I am. And part of me is still looking.

So I guess we're going off with another list tangent? I thought I would join the cult...I mean...CLUB! We'll see how long this list gets...Maybe only 10 for now?

1. I can compare my life to the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer.
2. I write poems that go on a website where it's just my writing.
3. I hate the color brown.

Long time no talk everybody! So basically, I got lost in a whirlwind of school, homework, gsa and swim team. I broke a few ribs over the summer and today I broke a finger, so swimming has been a lot of rehabilitation this year. My ribs kinda hurt today...but then again, so does my finger right now. ANYWAYS...

So I was filling out my application for OSU (Oregon State University) today. It's not my final application because I'll do that online, but I really wanted to know what it was going to be like. So in the section that's about gender, it's got an M box and an F box...and THEN (dun DUN dun) it's got another box with a blank line. Like fill in the blank. I'm kinda happy about this.

And my butterfly looks like a deranged cow trying to swim through mollasses. Clumsy, slow and amusing to people other than me.