my mom is manic and bipolar. which basically means that when shes happy, she has alot of energy, and when shes angry, she REALLY REALLY angry. she doesn't take medicine for it so its bad. shes also pretty homophibic. tonight, we were driving around delivering xmas presents to ppl.

I'M WATCHING HEY ARNOLD!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Ok so at the choir party my crush was maybe flirting with me. . . yay!! like she would always wait for me (we were walking places and singing) if i got behind and she was laughing and stuff. im happy this could possibly mean sumthin!!

yay!! i have a choir party/performance (yes even when we party we perform!!!) and my crush is in choir, so i get to see her!!!!!! YAY!!!! i havent seen her in almost a week and its killing me!! im so happy i get to see her!!

i'm really quite bored . . . i just realized i'm watching nickelodeon . . . nickelodeon is for cool people!!!!

two poems that i wrote last year, i know its long, but read them:

QUEEN OF THE ROSEBUDS

Queen of the rosebuds
voice flowing out,
golden hair singing with her
down her back
the rosebuds
in submission
bow their heads
when she sings
her voice,
sweet honey
in the mouth of the fairies,
who dance
to her song
in mystical awe
and the goblins
even them,
in their caves under-foot

I had another chance yesterday to ask my crush out, and she was there, but she was busy the rest of the day!!!!! aaaaarrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!! every single time i get my courage up, shes busy or not there. but i dont know if it would matter, cuz i think shes str8, but u never know . . . . aaarrrrrgggggghhh!!!!!!

I have a picture!!!!!! woooooot!!!!!!

wow i just realized how long i have been gay and not realized it, liek i even thought stuff about girls, like, "wow i think i might like her" and stuff and i knew wut gay was and i didn't even think of it . . . im smart =D

i worked up the courage to ask the girl i like to a movie (it probably wouldnt mean anything cuz i think shes straight, so shed think it was just a friend thing, but still, it would mean something to me) and she WASN'T HOME!!!!!! that makes me so angry. i probably will never have the courage (or the chance) to ask her out again!!! aaaarrrrrgggggghhhh!!!!!!!!

i really wish that i could have some gay frends in my school. We have exactly one out gay person in a school of like 1000 ppl (and its not me). its really sad. i know the best way to meet gay ppl would be to come out, but im not ready to do that. i gess this is just a rant (you can tell by me slowly deteriorating grammar). im just POed!!! the one out persosn is a gay guy, and im a gay girl, so no chance of dating there.

today in math, this guy at my table started ranting about how hot shakira is (i am a lesbian but not out to anybody) and i totally agreed!!!!!!!! i wanted to start saying omg i agree but then i realized i cudnt. too bad. i g2g parents are yelling

teehee i'm sitting here on this site wile my openly gay frend (who doesnt know im gay) is playing dance dance revolution 5 feet away from me!!!! (sorry this is kinda random but i find it funny)

i dont know how to submit poems to the poetry page, so i'm writing one here
its kinda morbid-ish

you did this
you broke me
all my suffering
is
your fault
something's broken inside me
you took it
and snapped it
you did it for yourself
why do you hurt me
whatever
its done
dont look at me
dont think about me
dont talk to me
dont touch me
i'll kill you if you touch me

how cum all gay ppl seem to be attracted to straight ppl!!!! i really like this straight girl, and she just started dating sum 1 . . . apparently shes liked him for a while. i'm really good frends with her, but i can't tell her that i like girls or that i like her . . . im not ready to tell anybody . . . help!!!