It feels so wrong not filling my voids with the touch of another man. It was always my first instinct. Replace pain, anguish with tactile sensation. The smooth skin of another man as he made love to me was so gratifying, so emptily yet perfectly satisfying. I miss the touch, I miss the adventure, I miss the excitement. But now all I'm left with is nicotine and fleeting satisfaction. I'm trying to find my way back to the higher road, but I can't help but feeling I belong on the lower path. Why do I desire such greatness, yet aspire to destroy my own prospects?

You know, girls loving girls makes so much more sense to me. I don't know why. It seems pure somehow. Holy or something. Corny right? But it's true.
I've been working on a poem. I don't usually do that--work on writing. But I'm putting together these phrases into a letter to Girl. Girl is the one I'm waiting for. Now I sound schizo, but oh well.
Is it weird that I kind of like boys but I also feel like a lesbian? There's something nice about the word when I say it out loud. "I'm a lesbian." I'm terribly confused.

i had a dream of ponies running up and down
your arms again, making new bruises
in the same places that you've
found them in the past
year.

(oh, all i can ask
is that you do
not go where
i can no
longer
follow)

http://youtu.be/ohYVsdSAhhs ☆=

So im 14 years old im a boy and i think i am a bisexual.I have more non sexual feelings for women and more sexual feelings for men. For example i would love nothing more than a big house and a wife and kids!But then i have these fantasies about men.ive never actually been in a relationship with a man because to be honest the thought knocks me sick but ive had a few relationships with girls but nothing serious at all.

I was real upset when I was writing my last journal, which I why I stopped midway through what I wanted to write. I'm a bit better now, but what I've gone through the last few weeks isn't something that just goes away I suppose?

When I went to see my grandparents the day after mom and I went back to Minnesota the cold hard reality of my grandfather's condition just hit me as had as the cold winter wind.

He had always been a healthy and active guy, and now he was this emaciated person who bore little resemblance to the man who used to take me fishing and play catch for hours on end.

Tell me, what do you think about when
the debutante moon has lost her charm
and there's nothing on TV to keep you up past 11 o'clock?
Do your eyes glaze over, remembering
how I used to hold your head on my knee and rake my
fingers through your yellow hair, baby?
Does your chest burn like a joint in the night with
the absurd memory of my mouth pressed to your
shadowy abdomen under turquoise plastic stars?
David, it was heaven, making you come undone!
You were dirty and beautiful; a clean-cut
little show choir first date gone wrong.

And I know I said you weren't my type

I got my third college acceptance letter last week, so that was nice. I am not going to that school, though, but I'm still glad I got accepted. I know I'm not going to that one because on Saturday morning, I got a fourth letter. This one was from Boston University. Not only did I get into BU, but I also got their Presidential Scholarship along with an absolutely AMAZING financial aid package. I'm so happy!