On the way back home, I noticed something all to common in my town. You see, Carmel is a bedroom community, meaning that people sleep here yet work elsewhere for the most part. A side effect is empty streets, save for the people emptying from the high school after the aforementioned play. It was 9:30 on a Friday night, yet Carmel was a ghostown. Sometimes I just want to move.

Damnit, I can't remember this really good quote from "Sure Thing." So instead, I'll substitute something another.

lets see...hmmm
well they don't accept me at all. they can't even look at me anymore. They cringe at my rainbow bracelet, the word CASTRO is like scary to them. I hate the feeling of not being loved. They think crazy things like my school did this to me, it is not fair. Nothing is fair anymore, i think the phrase has lost all meaning. They are always trying to change me, they won't let me form my own identity.

depression really is anger without enthusiasm. this one bloke i really was in love with, who of course didnt like me at all, ran away a bloody few hundred kilometres to a cultural abyss for uni. should i be upset, i dont know anymore. but today, maybe not long ago, he got in the car on the way to glorious where-i'm-not town. its like high-school love of my life, gone running away, probably oblivious completely.

Lets get this clear, I am a go getter. I pretty much see something I want and I go for it, I see something I think needs to be done and I do it. I'm ambitious. And it pisses me off and makes me so frustrated to be closeted to the majority of my peers. I mean, I can't stand up for myself when I want to, I can't say something I am really feeling, and what's worse, I can't just be silent - I have to lie! I have to say "yes, blah blah blah, I would like to see that [horrible aweful terrible unrealistic] movie.... yes I don't mind that [sexist demeaning sick] song that you wanted to listen to. Because if I disagree I would have to explain myself and I'm (insert mocking tone here) too afraid.

Happy Endings Are All Alike. It

Sorry...I am addicted to Penguins. I had an imaginary friend who was a penguin...his named was Bob...*tear* Krystal killed him! *sob* Anyways.....

I was thinking about animals. Not like that! I was just wondering if animals have emotions like humans, could they have the feelings of wanting the same gender? I don't know.

I'm screwed up today...
I took a self-quiz of whether I have depression. There was 15 questions, yes and no. I had zero no's. That's bad.

Not a lot to say other than the fact I'm in PJ's and going off to a rehearsal at 1pm for Cinderella with another member here who hasn't posted anything. [Cough! TripleThreat86 Cough!] I was out and about last night in good ol' Old Town Pas when I was going back to my friends car and these guys were whistling and flashing their lights at us.

Now, it us a bit annoying. Just a bit. So I walk over to give them the hint it really doesn't work on girls. And with the Amstel Light in his hand, the passenger seat boy said to me, "My dad owns the construction company around here. Are you single?"