I really don't know know what to do.

I came out to her around last Christmas, and she doesn't... she doesn't talk to me about it at all and when I try to broach the subject with her it's all awkward. Lately it seems like she's trying to show more attention toward me like she's trying to show some kind of support, but it doesn't feel like she's accepting me. It feel's like she's trying to humor me and doesn't believe me.

Easter was going nicely for me. My mom's family gathered at my grandma's house for smoked ham and prayers, as we do every year, and my cousins and I were reconnecting after months of barely speaking. Not out of spite or any disagreements, but they're both...adults now. One's in college with a boyfriend, the other has a job and a girlfriend he plans to marry and I can't keep up. But the boyfriend and girlfriend weren't with us for once, so I had my cousins all to myself for the first time in awhile. So we hung out and it was nice.

Sam's Easter post made me start thinking a little more about my own struggles with weight, and I though I'd write a little bit about them.
When I tell people about my weight problems they think I'm just trying to get attention, or that I have a mental problem. But I'm not--I really do have a problem, it's real, and I have to find a way to fix it.

im gay and i have been hideing it for a long time... irecently have told my sister and mother about it and i was gonna ask them for help... bc i dont want to be gay anymore- its un-christan like... anyway they fliped out...and i feel that i have let mother down... i feel that she has no trust for me anymore...i like women along with men...i dont want that!! ive found two things that help me get through this and theyare writing dow all my feelings and most importantly talking to god. if anyone has anything else that helped them plese tell me. imhurting and i cant do this on my own..

Happy Easter, for those who celebrate this day!

Today is a special day for me, no only because it's Easter Sunday, but it's also my one year anniversary of writing my first journal on here. So much has changed in the last year that it's hard for me to believe at times.

It feels so wrong not filling my voids with the touch of another man. It was always my first instinct. Replace pain, anguish with tactile sensation. The smooth skin of another man as he made love to me was so gratifying, so emptily yet perfectly satisfying. I miss the touch, I miss the adventure, I miss the excitement. But now all I'm left with is nicotine and fleeting satisfaction. I'm trying to find my way back to the higher road, but I can't help but feeling I belong on the lower path. Why do I desire such greatness, yet aspire to destroy my own prospects?

You know, girls loving girls makes so much more sense to me. I don't know why. It seems pure somehow. Holy or something. Corny right? But it's true.
I've been working on a poem. I don't usually do that--work on writing. But I'm putting together these phrases into a letter to Girl. Girl is the one I'm waiting for. Now I sound schizo, but oh well.
Is it weird that I kind of like boys but I also feel like a lesbian? There's something nice about the word when I say it out loud. "I'm a lesbian." I'm terribly confused.