from black to blue to bluer still
you wanted higher, but
i'd rather stay
i'd rather
drown

I don't think I've written about this, but I got two records at this awesome store in Cambridge, Massachusetts: Coexist: Deluxe Version by the xx and F#A#∞ by Godspeed You! Black Emperor, which is by far the coolest record I have ever seen. It was less than $20 and it came with more stuff than any other record I know of, at least for the price. They are the best band to get on vinyl (followed closely by Neutral Milk Hotel).

Also, I'm going with a friend to see Animal Collective in concert in June, so fuck yeah.

Onto the most recent event:

Legend of Dawn by: Kazukiyo Nishikiori

I knew there must be something wrong with my sexuality when I was young.. It even became stronger during the prepubescent years until I became a teenager.. As a Christian I knew definitely that something like this is not tolerable and though contemporary views that sprouted obviously defend that it's alright to be gay.. I decided to come out when I was a young adult but all I had afterwards were regrets... I've never been in a serious relationship in either gender but I have done some not so serious things with the same gender.. I knew it's wrong but my urges eventually get me..

Things will probably be the same on the outside yet on the inside there is doubt and concern. Unfounded? perhaps, but it is also not out of the realm of possibility that there be founded doubt and concern. One's thoughts can keep one awake at night. Anxiety, stress, concern, lonelyness, struggle, wants, needs... All can keep one from sleep.

Has anyone else noticed that queer people just seem to gravitate to each other, even without knowing each others' sexualities?
My friendish thingy Aleksandra is pan, and her BFF is some variety of queer.
But more importantly, both my friends Katrina and Emily are pan/demi/bi (they're kind of fluid). Katrina came out first during conversation backstage at Puss in Boots today and Emily and I just kind of followed. It was nice to know I'm not alone, and have my secret out there so easily.

"to love", or to find the
the parts shattered
in you, yet
deciding to
touch that
broken
glass.

(see also: the voice within
that speaks inside me
at 3 AM, dreaming
of your body
replacing the
heating
unit.)