I couldn't sleep last night,
Or maybe I did;
All I know is that we danced in my dreams...
And I dreamt that what you said was true,
My heart began to pound.
But I woke with a start, at 9 A.M....

Just the day before...
You called me at 9:45...
You woke me and apologized...
I didn't care.
And so I actually beckon you to call,
And my phone remains silent.
Though in my head is a cacophony,

.

i don't have muhc to say today. nothing happened todzay cuz im such a loser...lol. one of my friends just figured out that i look like gordo from lizzie mcguire...god she's such a dimwit...that's my nickname.

~Gordo~

Damn what a nice day today was. In fact, the last couple days have been quite nice. Did I mention its February in Portland, OR? Not that I am complaining or anything. :)

So im sitting here in my chair blanking out at the computer screen... This is the first saturday night I've spent to myself in a very long time... I only want to be with him... But god knows where he is... And I'm sitting here, and I don't know how much longer I can hold back my tears. I haven't allowed myself to cry in such a long time, but what other option do I have? I'll spend all night thinking about him and when he told me that he wanted me. It seems that that is no longer applicable when my appearance has finally reached out to him. So I'll continue on tonight, waiting for some sing of life to come to my direction... And I'll jump with each sound of opening doors, just to further dissapoint myself... When you come on, I'll be here...

What the hell is this shit
Whos hand is this
Where did the skin come from
Why is it connected to me

Blind, the walls, stare

Floating, lost, dead

My body...

It isnt mine
No feeling
Voices, Voices.. no im not making them up
I see the people, the people talking
I can see everything
And hear, I can hear the laughing
No feeling...Im moving... im walking
blindly... i cant fucking feel myself moving

Well, considering that it's happening right now, i felt it was most appropriate to write about it. So this guys tells me that he wants to do stuff with me, and I'm all for that considering im not generally persued. Well, right now, one of my best friends, Kelly, is practically fucking him. So in response to this im just going to pretend like nothing is going on. Because honestly, I'm really pretty fucking sick of being the transportation for people, and being in the room while they are fucking and I have to pretend like it isnt happening.