Yet, I should not have let
your hands hold me close
or your words steal my heart

I feel really happy for the first time in awhile. Don't get me wrong, my life's far from perfect, but now it feels like everything will be okay, eventually. It's like something inside of me just clicked...My dilemma of the moment is what to do about my upcoming Dorm Dance.

Now that I have your attention...The other night I posted a 'thought' about Porn...Now I've come to another situation that allows for the same line of thinking to apply. No, this has nothing to do with Porn or rape, however it does have to do with distraction and blame...And yes, I'll mention the soccer team again...

This is the way my brain works...

Okay heres the thing, I have come to a grim conclusion of quiting this stupid college. I am not proud of it, but when one's becomes very fusterated, one's has no choice but to drop out. To fail the classes and get bad GPA on your record is not ideal. So I have two choices, to try and work very hard to get all A's to bring the grades up with missing class I have missed. Or quit to save yourself the burden.

Last nite at a friends place the discussion came up with the guys. How much money would it take for you to give another guy a blow job. I was the only gay one there, there was an interesting conversationa bout it. every guy said they would do it for a certain amount of money. except for one guy. he said he would probably need heavy counselling after it. my response? "You'd cretainly have the money to pay for it"

I feel so much commotion in my mind and body, it's driving me insane. My stomach is shooting with fire crackers and my mind is compressed with heavy rocks, my breath is suffocated in my own lungs. Am I being reasonable, blaming life for my own annoyances? Do I have a right to crib about something so insignificant as not having a girlfriend? An empty mind really is a devil's workshop, but an overwhelemed mind is a devil's worst enemy.