Over the last few years, I've been trying to assert my identity and I've run into some problems as a gay black male. I don't seem to exist. At least not in the sense of having a visible and accessible community to fall back on. During the entirety of my coming out and my identity development process I've understood this to en extend but still tried to explore the communities open to me. At the time that I was coming out this meant exploring gayness and getting a feeling for gay culture. I failed at joining some type of larger gay community in high school or finding a group with any strong gay identity (except for this one youth center) and I had no idea how to incorporate my gayness and blackness.

Have you ever gotten that one phone call where everything stops and all u can hear is your heart racing and the other person

As I write these words I am seething towards my parents.

I don't even like that word for them.

Granted there are worse.

However, my mother's control issues piss me off to no end.

I'm 18 years of age. I can legally vote, smoke, buy porn and rent a hotel room.

I cannot, however, take walks at night. Go anywhere alone. Use public transit. She expects the school to call if I don't show up to my 7:00 AM class (when school starts ay 8:00) because I might have died on the way there.

.

First of all, I really (and I hate to ask for this, here or anywhere, but it is a necessity) need a livejournal code. If anyone has an extra one (or something. I'm not 100% sure how the code thing works) and would be willing to give it to a stranger in need, email me at creamsoda17@hotmail.com.

Aside from that, some random snippety drabble things I have written recently:

Did you every cry so hard you soul bled out I never have but I think I would very much like too and I never cry it is almost a physical impossiblity for me and why does it hurt so much to not hurt numbness is never good and I

Attempting creativity.

I can count how many times I felt cool since puberty on one hand, but today, I realized just how cool I am. I won