She always sees me, talks to me, knows my name and the reason for my laughs. She knows everything about me. She's nice but if she knew who I really was, how I really felt, she would hate me, the very part of me that loves, has to be hidden.

Hidden out of sight. Hidden from the world. Hidden from myself.

I wouldn't care if anyone else knew, just her. The very person I want to tell I am too afraid to tell. Because if she knew she wouldn't love me she wouldn't even care. I don't even think she would still want to be friends.

So Last night I told one of my good friends Ruby that i thought i was a bisexual because she is openly a bisexual so i thought that she would understand better:)

It was so relieving to finally admit who you truely are to someone obviously this site has helped, It gave me the courage to tell somebody, but telling a friend and having them hug you and reassure you and help. The feeling is great!

my heart was a street so dark, a small country road where drunk drivers drive too fast, where metal bodies collide with small animals. winter was an unbearable season. on the good days the ice was thick and the cars went right off the road, out of control ; on the worst of them the snow was so heavy to even see and people preferred to stay indoors.

Site appears to be back, but I never heard from adrian that he fixed it (which usually happens), so good chance it broke itself and then fixed itself, which means very likely it will break itself again...

Bass bass bass bass

I rock my head back and forth
headbanging feeling like a badass

bass bass bass bass
music tries to fill the abyss inside
but ive stayed up the whole night yearning
sun rise this pain can't hide
u look around searching for the boy of your dreams
I run around frantically
on hot pursuit to be in your crosshairs
transperancy is me aslong as the wear of those apartheid glasses
contemplating ways to seperate myself from the masses
the lord said that our bodies are temples

I really don't know know what to do.

I came out to her around last Christmas, and she doesn't... she doesn't talk to me about it at all and when I try to broach the subject with her it's all awkward. Lately it seems like she's trying to show more attention toward me like she's trying to show some kind of support, but it doesn't feel like she's accepting me. It feel's like she's trying to humor me and doesn't believe me.

Easter was going nicely for me. My mom's family gathered at my grandma's house for smoked ham and prayers, as we do every year, and my cousins and I were reconnecting after months of barely speaking. Not out of spite or any disagreements, but they're both...adults now. One's in college with a boyfriend, the other has a job and a girlfriend he plans to marry and I can't keep up. But the boyfriend and girlfriend weren't with us for once, so I had my cousins all to myself for the first time in awhile. So we hung out and it was nice.