Trust:........ it takes years to build it, a moment to break and forever to earn it again. Forever is made up of little days. Every day spent earning that trust, giving the other's heart reasons not to break. Trust is love - and yes, love is earned.
Hmmm... thought process.
Can I let her in? Maybe the problem is not with her at all - maybe I'm not sure what I'd be letting her into. No one's ever come as close as she has before so I've never had to be that open or honest before. When the mouth of the liar opens to tell the truth, nothing comes out but sand. Maybe, I'm just scared. Scared because I'm happy - it's all good. But I do trust her, so much it's scary. I've just got issues with myself. But I'm trying... she doesn't realise I'm trying. Babysteps, babysteps... but all she wants are marathon sprints. All she values are the marathon sprints. The orgasms, the declarations of love and complete submission, the fainting spells, the drama, the heartache and depression, the need for cigarettes and drinks, the passion, the heat, the "i can't live without you", the love, the need, the ache, the pain and ecstacy, the madness, the rashness, the romeo and juliet moves.
This was one of the pieces I wrote for my school
paper before going off for the summer and I just got
a copy of the paper and its on the one thing everyone
is talking about Labels
Labels it happens to me what about you
Some of those listed above make you think negitive and
some might have made you angry. Yet that was the
Fear never escaped my mind. Although my bruise was gone, the experience did not die. It was playing in my head continuously. I could never sleep in the dark; it was too frightening for me. I could not stand being alone; the thought was haunting me. The world was not safe anymore. I hid myself in my own shell for a long time; I could not stand it any longer. It was up to me if I would sink or swim.
another essay. silly college.
Don’t Make Waves
I drowned when I was eight. I don’t remember it that well. I mean, I died, is what they tell me. For two seconds, three, tops, but still, dead. It was at this huge aquatic center, of all places, full of people and light and watchful lifeguards. No high rocks to jump off of, no rip tide. Leave it to me to pull this at a public place, in the smallest pool they had. It was the deepest, as well, and this insanely deep aquamarine in color. I don’t know if it was the depth- 13 feet- or if they added color to the water, to turn it that hue, but that’s what stays in my memory the most clearly.
also known as a terrible lyric essay i wrote for class.
There’s a picture someone took, on a camping trip the summer after I graduated high school, before I lost that naiveté that comes from being newly free, clean and queer and with no obligations. It was night, and we were camped by six and drunk by nine. I know I was sitting at a picnic table, some boys I barely knew flanking me, but the only thing that’s clear in the photo is my smile, my big white teeth in my clumsy mouth, surrounded by vague shapes and darkness. Cheshire-girl style. I don’t even remember who took the picture, I just know that it found its way into my possession, and I kept it.
This is part of my story and I hope it helps anyone who is going through a rough time, especially if it is similar to my experiences. You will need more strength than you know.
As I walk the oak-lined pathways of Southwestern University's beautiful campus, I know that next year, I could very well be one of the fortunate students here, carrying books and cups of coffee from building to gorgeous stone building. As I attend sessions in each of the main academic departments- especially literature, social sciences, and modern languages- I am thrilled to the core, practically salivating at the opportunity to access the vast store of knowledge available from the professors. I listen raptly as I attend a seminar on Latin American studies, in which I hope to major with a possible minor in Feminist Studies. My dream is to serve as a Spanish-English translator, especially at women’s clinics in poverty-stricken areas of Latin America, and with over fifty percent of Southwestern students traveling abroad as undergraduates, this dream is approaching reality for me.
I have had problems over the past year or so about my sexuality. I had a long term BF and i thought that was what it was I was straight, but that is not it i realised. Since i have joined u guys on this site it has proven to me more. I am basicly trying to say is that i am bi. I have told some people in the past. I had a night were i nearly killed myself from tooo much alchol and straight alchol and there was a girl there who was bi as well and we planned to give the other three boys a good night and we were playing spin the bottle and we made sure we got each other. as the night went on i can not rember any of it but i asked her out and we did not say anything in the morning before she left but we were both hung over.We told the boys but they just laughed at us and have not thought twice about.
Disclaimer- don’t hate- haha- my grammar that is-
Hi Oasis *waves*
so I’ve been coming here for what more than a year or so...and one thing never changes- the fact that our community- the gay youth is always sad- I know this- i was there - am there still occasionally and I know that life and everything is hard- and it is much harder when you’re gay and no one else understands you until you find someone who is gay or who is at least open enough to help you out and talk with you...look kids i know its hard...but you need to hang in there for generations to come. You need to surpass, bypass, and fucking knock over anything that comes between you and what makes you happy!!!
( originally titled: losing the one i loved)
Slowly I move my hand up to her face to wipe away a tear, I’m trembling as I watch my life crashing before me. As she lifts her head to look up at me, a drowsy numbness plagues her visage, I fix my gaze upon a flood of questions pouring down from her eyes.
Today was a beautiful day; even though it is still technically winter, it felt just like spring. The sun was high in the sky, and a few flowers dared to bloom. I went for a walk along the river, on the esplanade. It was crowded - everybody, it seems, had enough life left in them to get out and enjoy a day like this. There were bikers, skaters, couples strolling arm in arm. For a moment, it was paradise. After a while, I sat down on a bench overlooking the river. A few people sat on the bench next to me. I can just hear their conversation:
"Man, its a nice day out."
"Yeah, man, motherfuckin' spring is here!"
At first, this little phrase sounded incongruous. "Spring is here" is an almost theatrical bit of speech, treading the line between the poetic and the obvious. To extend the theatrical metaphor a little bit, the addition of obscenity shifted the dialogue from Shakespeare to Mamet. The grace of these words was not removed, but it was changed. Really, though, the change was more subtle than it might have been. There is a kind of poetry to obscenity, and for people who have truly mastered the art of "bad" language, it is a chorus of staccato timing, like beat poetry or scat.
A Brief Though on School, Teen Sex, And School-Sponsored Cheerleaders Shaking Their Cute Little Asses
We have a new gym at my school, and it officially opened today. There was a pep-rally to celebrate it's opening and the first game that is to be held in it. Of course, there were plenty of cheerleaders there, doing their little dances and stunts (so of them were quite impressive).
Now, my question is this: what is it that compels the administration to, on the one hand, refuse to provide free or low-cost safer sex materials to students in the clinic or bathrooms - there was a big stink about the issue last year - and on the other hand, support and sponsor such blatantly sexual activity? There's no way you can convince me that putting a dozen pretty girls up on stage in ultra-short skirts and bare tummies to strut and shake and bounce their stuff is not obviously and vigorously sexual.
this address is influenced by something i read a while back...
One thing on my mind though has been this concept that most people have that being gay is wrong- hm- so yeah..when i think about it how can something so fundamentally innocent be wrong?? like i have said before or rather quoted from an awesome professor its about who you love and care about - its about who you are with or want to spend the rest of your life with...it bothers me that people can not concieve of this...
for some reason society since god knows when has this preconcieved idea that we are going against the normal which is true because the normal we have been taught in my opinion is going against the natural flow of earth and its course..bear with me im going to explore this somewhat scientifically..but oh well..just stick around..lol..
So yes..nature...follows it own course. Homosexuality has been around or mentioned somewhat since at least the time of the greeks and their philosophical advancements..so then why has homosexuality despite its dissaproval from society and many other negative factors still something found among the human race?
You were once my everything... My sister... My life... Just everythign anyone could ever ask... Although we were young we knew alot... We were born just 2 minutes apart... We spent everyday of our short lives together... Never left eachother side... But then you left me... Left me to fend for myself... And we were so young... I had to learn to be independant... I had to learn to be on my own with out you... We had no warning...... We didn't understand it... You and I thought you'd be better in no time... But what we thought was so wrong... WHY?? Why did it happen at such a young age... You couldn't even live ur life... We promised we'd never leave each other... We promised we'd wait for each other... Are you still waiting for me??? Do you know what's happening in my life??? Do you knwo the pain I have suffered... The pain I've had to suffer on my own... We were always at each other's side... Do remember how close we were... Are you still with me??? Or did you think I was doing a good enough job of looking after myself on my own??? I need you here with me... I feel so alone... Do you know that I still blame my self for your goings... Do you know I ran away because of you leaving... I knew it was my fault... I didn't know what else to do... I was only young for heavens sake... You shouldn't have gone... You were too young... You didn't even explore life on your own...
"Equal rights," "civil rights" and "special rights" are all terms frequently thrown around in the current debate over the legalization of gay marriage. While "equal" and "civil rights" are generally associated with the liberal, pro-gay marriage groups, and "special rights" with the more traditional, conservative and religious anti-gay marriage groups, both sides of the debate use all of the terms. What complicates matters and leads to very little progress being made is the fact that the two sides, although they use the same terms, have different meanings behind the language.