It's been some time since I've posted here and it's mostly because I can't write without willingness. Not much has happened and I still feel more awful everyday.
Today is my mama's birthday. We went out to eat and the restaurant is about 10-15 minutes away from our house by car. We get there and tension has built up between us because my brother took a long time to get ready. He had come home from the gym, showered, and dressed while everyone else was good to go. My mama is already hungry and she wants to leave my brother behind, so do I and my sister. As soon as we sit and eat we are arguing: my brother, my sister, and I, except mama. Mama sits there not saying a word except trying to change the subject. I say that it wouldn't of made a difference if I, my sister, or brother didn't celebrate mama's birthday today. Then my sister says my brother and I should go walking home. I tell her not until I finish my meal. And that's exactly what I did.
The walk was nice except the sun was too hot and I was starting to sweat. I get home and since I didn't have my key I keep walking to the small shopping place right around the corner. As I go there a friend of mine who lives on the same street as I do waves hi to me. She's the only friend I have left. I walk and I am tempted to visit my ex-friend but I stop myself because I would end up saying sorry and I can't do that so I walk back home.
So I'm walking and this car passes by me and the guy in the passenger seat calls me a fag and laughs. It happened rather quick because I was singing to myself a song. I flip him off.
I just remembered that as I walked home from the restaurant I passed a park and I see two, small boys, most likely brothers, on tricycles and their mother chasing after them pushing a stroller that I'm sure had a small girl in it. And I start crying. I wasn't crying hysterically like I usually do it was just some tears. I wipe them off and leave behind the memory of mama, my brother, my sister, and I that I saw in the family.