"I'm glad North Carolina banned gay marriage" isn't something my FCG would have said. I hate seeing that she has regressed because it makes me think of the angry 16-year-old FCG from way back when, the one who absolutely could not stop foaming at the mouth about "the gays" and how groooosss they were literally every single day. I should quit going on sites like Facebook where people I know in real life go because they always inevitably disappoint me.
But wow, really? I used to hold hands with you and play with your hair and give you long back rubs and listen to you say over and over again how much you never want to date any guys. You told me I could invade your personal space any time and that you thought I was cute! And before all that, you had a crush on my mother. That is all REALLY FUCKING GAY, FCG, and we have been over this a thousand times. You cannot deny any of that happening. I have it all documented.
I am not believing this. She hasn't said anything ignorant like that since she was in 11th grade! Not since that giant fight we had... The one I really regret having because it turned us into friends! My FCG made me walk all the way across the room just so she could tell me up close how she had an epiphany about how "pretty lesbians" are totally awesome and then proceeded to tell me the criteria her girlfriend must meet if she "was gonna be gay." (And naturally, I met pretty much all of the criteria.) My FCG said she regretted the anti-gay things she used to say, then personally apologized to me and called herself "bratty" for saying such things.
I guess in a way, I've regressed too. After FCG left, a lot of my old anxiety issues came back, even the obsessive hand washing thing... But at the same time, I'm getting a little better now, though. FCG leaving really put me back in my shell, but this week, I have an additional free period every day because my class was all seniors and therefore is over, and I talk to this cute girl I never talked to before! I talked to her for a whole hour one day, even! But it was really awkward when she mentioned partying with Old Crush. Small world, huh?
Too small of a world. Today, my sister randomly told me she saw FCG this weekend. FCG is back in town, and I'm scared I'll see her everywhere I go because I know I will probably embarrass myself. I have to concede I'm not totally over her, and that's pathetic because it's been a year. Why am I so dumb? Someone bitchslap some sense into me. Make me stop.
I can't wait to leave. Whether I leave this summer or have to wait until college next year, I need it more than anything. I just need to forget all the things that happened in this town and get a fresh start. I need that SO badly. Like... Oh my god. I can't wait to go somewhere where nobody knows my name or my past.