Rooms That Can't Be Thrown Away

7 May, 2012 - 4:38am — Sam2000

To me writing on here is like sticking your toe in the water to see how warm it is, except that Oasis is how I'm testing the water for coming out.

My toe wasn't sure about the water.

I don't see any reason to come out. At least not anytime soon.

I don't know if I even need to? Being gay seems to run in my family, just like the eye color we all share. My great-uncle is gay, so are two of my uncles. I know my Dad is because I read about it in his diary, which filled me in on the fact that the best friend his lives with in Europe is gay too. I've always been told they're old friends who are "room mates". Part of me is pissed that I was lied to, but the other part understands.

His diary told I'm alive today because he thought having sex with a girl would make him straight, which he wanted so desperately to be. The entry he wrote on the day I was born told me how scared and confused he was, just like I am now:

"What the fuck am I going to do now?"

That diary opened up the door to a room I walked into and now wish I could walk right back out of, lock the door, and throw the room away! I've been told since I was a little kid that things happen for a reason, now that's haunting me. I was planning on scanning the diary and giving my Dad a copy this summer, writing him a note on the last page, something like "Dad, I'm gay just like you!" Now I don't feel right doing that.

If I come out to him I don't know if he'll come out to me? Does he even need to? If I tell my Grandma first am I betraying him? Or does she know already and is waiting on me to make the first move? Or is this going to come as a total shock? If I come out how will that affect Matthew? If my Boy Scout Troop finds out while I be kicked out? Will my friends want me on their baseball team? How will I be treated in church?

I need your help and advice, and I hope you'll be willing to give it to me?

Sam

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Comments

7 May, 2012 - 6:02am — MaddieJoy

I'd go to your grandma

I'd go to your grandma first. From what I've seen in your journals, she seems pretty cool & can probably help you figure out who you want to come out to and when. But don't come out until you're absolutely sure you're ready. I definitely regret coming out when I did--I did it WAAAY before I was ready and now I'm really afraid of doing it again.
However, coming out at church may never be a good choice. Unless you go to one of those "come as you are" churches, they might not appreciate you being...well, you. Same goes for your Boy Scout troop. The Scouts have passed around to all different religious groups through the years. If your troop still adheres to the old super-religious values it was founded on, they may find some technicality to kick you out with. However, if you have real friends and/or loving family to lean on, you should be OK.
Good luck! :)

"It's a helluva start, knowing what makes you happy."
--Lucille Ball

7 May, 2012 - 6:18am — hellonwheels

My advice...

Twelve is a little young to know for sure, and definitely quite young to come out. While it may run in your family, and you may be sure you are gay, i would wait a bit and see what happens.

Your scout troop would be ABLE, and I emphasize able, to kick you out, according to BSA's stance on homosexuality, and given that it is inherently a religious organization. however, the likelihood of that happening in today's modern society is less than what it would have been had you come out 50 years ago.

Sure, some of the guys and their parents would be uncomfortable because of it if you did come out, but that's their problem.

If you decide to come out to friends on the baseball team, let them know you are still the same guy you always were. Keep playing, and don't pay any 'extra' attention to other guys in the locker room. lol.

It will all be ok dude, but I would say give it a little time before coming out @ school. Maybe sooner for your dad though, assuming g-ma hasn't already told him.

it obviously runs in your family, so how could be be upset?

If your church doesn't accept you, i would recommend looking into a more liberal church. UCC, which my mom is a member of, has a really good record of being gay friendly, and not judging anyone. Just a suggestion. there's always the quakers.

hell

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

7 May, 2012 - 1:26pm — Tycoondashkid

well

Only Come out if your sure your gay, if your ready and want to.

you don't have to come out if you don't want to, you don't have to come out if you don't want to or your not ready too. but if you want to and you are ready i'd start with your Gran, from what you wrote she's a very nice person and is obviously open to stuff that other Grans wouldn't so i can't see her take it badly.

but don't come out to everyone at the same time (as in telling a whole room full, its easier to tell 1 person at a time) unless your 100% positive about every little thing and can take bullying, i wouldn't recommend it. unless theres a big massive opening that you want to and you know it will be all good, but thats still a maybe.

but ive head that the BSA are very unaccepting of gay people, i might be wrong since its all just internet and news about it here and don't come out at your church unless its a Liberal, New Christian (if you have it in America) or a Come as you Are Church.
---------------------------------------------

heres something extra, you said your moving out of the country, Belgium right?, i'd say Europe is much more Accepting of it than America will ever be, ive seen openly gay people where i live and theres only a few Homophobes in a town of almost 9,000 people and every time i see someone say a homophobic slur or insult almost always every turns on him/her (literally i seen 1 guy call someone a faggot and about 30 people started taunting and mocking him and following him home to mock him more) so what im saying is that if you want to (best if you come out to you dad before this) just be out to people when you move to Belgium.

7 May, 2012 - 11:58pm — MacAvity

Hey.

Sounds like you are very sure of your orientation (twelve is not too young to know, even if most people don't know at that age), and your immediate family is very accepting. I see no reason for you to hide from your father and grandmother - tell them!

As for the rest of the world, though, it'll probably think you're too young. You'd get a lot of 'Are you sure? You're so young!' Your peers aren't very mature yet, either; everyone will be far more accepting if you wait a few years.

So that's my advice: Tell your dad and your grandmother, maybe a close friend if you really think he'll accept it, but wait a while on everyone else.

8 May, 2012 - 3:38am — Sam2000

Answering some questions

Thanks to everyone for replying, it's awesome to me that you're giving me you advice here!!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure my Grandma knows I'm gay, she NEVER asks me if I have a girlfriend or a girl I like (she asks Austin that on a regular basis!) and I'm super affectionate to my (male) friends where they come over (they don't seem to mind). She caught Matthew (my bf) and I hugging in the kitchen and we stopped and she told us it's okay do that.

She's never asked me if I'm gay though, which is weird to me because I think I'm being obvious about it? My Dad hasn't asked me that either but he always asks me if I have a girlfriend.

I just think they don't really suspect anything so they're not bringing it up.

I go to a conservative church, and I've gotten the sermon of how bad heavy metal is and how it leads you to drugs and eventually to Hell. In our church sucking dicks also gives you a guaranteed one way ticket there too. The funny thing is we're not regular attendees and it's noticed, we go about once a month but it's where my Troop meets. I don't want to say what kind of church I go to just for privacy reasons.

This might sound weird but I'm deeply religious, and I talk to God every day and thank him for what I have and I ask him for advice and guidance. I don't hear too many gays doing that, but I really think I'm gay for a reason.

Matthew goes to a different church that's a bit more open and accepting, and he's even asked me to attend a service with him. Sounds like a good topic to discuss in a journal!

My Boy Scout Troop is fairly strict on some things (don't get caught swearing!!!!) but the leaders are around my Dad's age so I feel comfortable around them. We have a member that everyone thinks is gay but as long as he doesn't discuss anything it's cool. I think if I came out I'd be shown the door...actually I know I would.

With my baseball team it's kinda weird. I don't know how they'd be knowing I'm gay but there's some stuff with some of my team members I can't really write about that makes me think they wouldn't care so much. I'm also the biggest guy on my team and would kick anyone's ass if they messed with me, or might "accidentally" nail them with a wild pitch during practice hehe!

Right now only Austin and Matthew know I'm gay, and I'm fine with that. I don't think Austin's gay, I guess he's just willing to try things. We're also very competitive so he wants to do and the other way around too, except for wanting to have sex with girls which he talks about daily!!!!

I may not be going to Belgium this summer because of some changes with my Dad's job. I'll know soon but right now it's not certain. At least I got my passport.

Again, thanks for your feedback : ))

Sam