(Continued from "Striking Out The One I Love")
In the living room my Grandma had me sit in front of her on the couch while she rubbed my shoulders, something she does after most games and practices, especially when I pitch. It relaxes me and helps me sleep and it's her chance to talk to me. She used to do the same when I was younger and she'd give me a bath, it was just a chance for one on one time.
That night she rubbed my shoulders slower and deeper than usual and I knew something was going on, she was preparing me for bad news.
Grandma, I asked, what's wrong?
She stopped moving her hands and pulled me close to her, squeezing me almost too tightly. She didn't want me to run from her.
Your Grandpa's sick Sam, he has cancer and he's not going to last long.
Whaaaaaaaaaat???? was all I could say.
She gave me details I didn't want to hear, and then told me that all he wants is to have a relationship with me before he leaves us. He wants to make up for lost time...wasted years.
It was up to me.
Yes or no.
That simple.
This is a man who has seen me in public and not even acknowledged me, and now he wants ME in his life.
A big part of my church is forgiveness and doing the right thing no matter what, and now that's all I could think about. This was a chance to bury the bad feelings in my family and have a fresh start, and to give a almost total stranger a piece of my heart.
Then Grandma told me something I never expected to hear.
Your Mother's coming back here to be with Grandpa for his last days, she took a leave of absence from her job to be here...for us.
I tried to stand up but she held me down.
Sam, I know this is hard for you, but this is a chance to make things right.
I thought about that for a while.
All I could do was shake my head.
Honey, there's something else, she said, reaching into her pocket and handing me a folded piece of paper.
What's this? I asked.
Open it up Sam.
It said "Mom" and her New York City phone number.
Call her on Mother's Day Sam, please call her.
I haven't spoken to her in years, and now she wants to hear my voice?
She needs you Sam, lots of people need you...Jacob needs you, she told me. I stood up and hugged my Grandma tight, and we both cried.
Tears of sadness.
Tears of joy.
They all flow the same way.
Sam
Comments
Grandma's given good advice!
Since she's played such an important role in your life, it would have been a gesture that both she and your mom would truly appreciate if you'd have called your mom yesterday. Did you?
As for your grandpa (from what you say, he lives very close by?)... I think it would be a great learning experience were you to at least drop by and see what sort of a relationship he may envisage. However, you should discuss this with your father in one of your daily talks. It would be good for you to know how he might feel... since you're hoping that he will become increasingly more involved in your life.
If you do decide to do the right thing (whatever that might be)... I'd rather hope that decision would stem from your innate moral consciousness and not because you feel that that is what your church would advise (as hinted above)...
But... talk this over with your dad!
first off, go see your Grandad
my Grandad died in hospital in 2009 just 1 day before his 70th birthday.
i too sad to see him in the hospital before he died, so i never said goodbye, i wish i did and i regret it and always will, i strongly recommend you go see him, i would make this longer but im starting to cry.
secondly about your mum, i think you should, your grandad is dying and its an oppurtunity for you and her to grow, but its up to you for these but i would recommend this
I understand, I've been
I understand, I've been doing a lot of crying lately.
Sam
if you need any help with this
just ask
Nero, in the movie...
Quo Vadis (Peter Ustinov) is depicted saving his tears in a glass vial. Artistic license? Can't find any reference supporting this quirk...
i dont
store my tears....
Well Sam,
maybe your grandfather sincerely wants to see you. There will be a day that, assuming you didn't see your grandfather a few last times if possible, you will have wished you had taken the offer. Grudges should never be held against family members, they only lead to strife and eventually anguish. I strongly advise you to take him up on his offer to visit him.
I'm so sorry that this tragedy has befallen your grandfather and your family, I too know what it's like. Both of my grandparents were claimed by cancer not even one year ago. Again, forgiveness like you had said will be what is needed, after all he is family. May God be with your grandfather, just remember he will soon be in a better place and away from pain.
Remembering the goodtimes I had with my grandparents, and that they are in a better place, always makes me feel better.
Thank you all so much for
Thank you all so much for your input and kind words, I really feel that all of you are doing so much for me!!!
My latest journal "Reconnecting" will answer a lot of your questions, but I choose to go see my grandparents out of love and a desire to do the right thing more than anything,although I've talked with God quite a bit lately.
Sam