I've been busy the past few days, mostly because of Easter and having family over, so I been on here only to check on my journal for comments (none on my last one : ( ) and post a few comments myself.

On Monday my Dad sent me a e-mail talking about my visit to his home in Europe this summer and he said that he would love to have me come and live with him full time.

I'm still in shock. I don't really know how to feel?

This visit will be the first time I've been in Europe, we have some family in Canada to I stay with when he comes back to see me. I know he's only been back to the United States to renew his passport...it's a long story about that.

The part that has me upset is that I have to decide while I'm there with him if I want to stay or return to my home here, meaning when I say goodbye to my Grandma and friends when I leave it could be a long time before I see them again.

I'm torn between missing him and needing him so bad right now it hurts and just wanting to keep things as they are. I don't like change much, and living there will mean lots of changes: New language, culture, food, and baseball isn't well known there. I don't like soccer much except for the gear (I wear soccer shorts all the time!) so that's a big deal. But I COULD learn to like it (lots of cute guys in soccer gear!!!!) if I give it a chance. He's been sending me Adidas clothes (my favorite brand) which is the most popular brand where he lives.

My Dad's also been sending me stuff about his country so I can become more familiar with it, and I'm having trouble with the language but he keeps telling me once I start speaking it I'll be fine...I'm not so sure there? For Christmas his gift to me was 885 Euros, a bill in each denomination -nice present!!! He's been talking about me coming to see him for about six months, so this isn't something new, just the idea of me living here is.

For me the reasons to stay are my Grandma, my friends, especially my best friend Austin. I've known him since I was 5 and he was almost crying when I told him about Dad's offer. We've done everything together and I can't imagine him not being there with me.

There's one other reason for me to stay, and I haven't written about this yet. I've been starting a relationship with another boy a year older than me, right now everything's just online but I know him in real life. He lives in the town next to me, goes to a different school, and I think we're close to hanging together at the mall that's right between where we live.

Damn, damn, dammit I hate that I have to make this decision! It's far away for me but the weather's getting warmer and summer will be here before I know it.

I need your help. What should I do?

Sam