Many thanks for those who replied to my first entry on here, made me feel better about being on here : )

My life's sometimes a mess (just like my room) and this time I'm going to talk about how I came to be, and why I live with my Grandma.

My Mom was in her senior year of high school when I was born, my Dad still in junior high (scandal !!!!). Dad was tutoring my Mom and she thanked him PHYSICALLY (you get the idea). I know this because I have the diary my Dad wrote from my age until he was 15, and believe me I'll be making lots of references to that on here.

My Mom comes from a very wealthy family, and having me was not in the script. She kept her pregnancy hidden until she couldn't anymore, fearing that she's have to have an abortion (thanks Mom!)...I wasn't exactly welcomed by her family, or her for that matter (loooooooooong story). I was going to be put up for adoption but my Grandma (Dad's Mom) agreed to take custody of me on one condition, that it would be an open adoption and my Mom's side of the family would be involved with me.

That hasn't exactly happened. I basically don't exist to them, but my Mom sends me a birthday card (with $$$) and a Christmas card (with $$$) every year, and she witnessed me officially becoming a Boy Scout, one of the few times I've seen her in my life. My Dad was there too...talk about AWKWARD! My maternal grandparents treat me like a bad smell, even though I'm one of their two grandsons. The killer is I know the other grandson, and our relationship is just uncomfortable.

I only get to spend a few weeks a year with my Dad, and it's not enough. We keep in touch with daily e-mails and video chats when we can, and this summer I'll be in Europe visiting him, but it just sucks that he's distant. Avenged Sevenfold's song "So Far Away" just speaks straight to me.

My Grandma is just about everything to me, but she also gives me space, which is so completely different from my friend's parents who are just into EVERYTHING they do. My house is an escape for them, in more ways than one (I'll be writing quite a bit about that too!). She has treated me completely differently that how she was with my Dad (and my uncles as well), and I think she just doesn't want me to do the same things he did.

How little she knows.

How much I don't want her to know.

Part of me wanting to write here is I have tons of secrets that I just need to let out, and my own personal diary just isn't enough. I'm my father's son, and in so many ways I'm just like him. His diary is proof of that, but he doesn't know I have it.

I'm not sure what would happen if he realized just how much I know about him? I'm not in a hurry to find out either.

I haven't really talked much about being gay yet, but I will. I want The Book Of Sam to be read from beginning to end, and there's more to me than just being gay.

I've done a fair bit of foreshadowing here, I hope you'll continue reading what I write here.

Thanks,

Sam