[Edited for content on 6/19/2012 by Sam]

It's real late at night right now as I'm writing this but I just can't sleep, and I guess if I write about what happened to me on Sunday my mind might calm down?

I'n my last journal I wrote about a older guy that I'm totally hot for (thanks for the feedback BTW!) and I think I've mentioned that I know him online and also in real life (through our church group). On Sunday he sent me a text saying he was going to be at the mall getting a haircut and it'd be a chance for us to hang out. We met at a church thing that some of the local churches hosted and really we became instant friends.

Matthew (his real name is kinda unusual but I love it!) and I have been chatting for a couple of months online and I first met him in a gay teen chat room. That first time he told his real weight and was shit on about it and I PM'd him and told him I was fat too, and it was like wow we have some shit in common!

After a while he told me more stuff, and it just seemed like I knew him somehow...when he told me where he lives he actually told me the town and I figured him out. Well, his screen name gave it way too once I deciphered it, and some other stuff he told me. He had no idea I live a few miles from him.

One night we were chatting and he told me he had a surprise, and there he was on a webcam...I almost shit myself. It's was scary, exciting, and made me horny as hell...and even more scared about things. We just clicked as friends, and the more we chatted the more I found out we had in common.

We wear the same brand and style of undies...we love Altoid minis...we wear the same brand of black ankle socks...we have similar style glasses...he's seen two of my favorites bands live...he plays bass...it's like we're more like brothers than friends.

We talked about regular stuff, things we were into, movies and music we love, and we slowly we got more into gay stuff, things we like and wanted to do. We shared a lot of personal stuff, private details...I even told him about stuff I'd done with a another boy the past summer (I might write about that here...might not?). I told Matthew stuff Austin doesn't even know, and he's my best friend.

On Sunday I decided to tell Matthew the truth, I just couldn't lie to him anymore.

I decided to wait until he got his hair cut before telling him, but I pushed him to get his mop of hair buzzed short on the sides and longer on top. I wear a buzz cut all the time, and it looked really good on him. Damn it looked good!

We just walked around the mall for a while then I sat on a bench and he sat right next to me, our legs we touching. Before I left my house I wrote the screen name I used with Matthew on a sticky note, and with him close enough for me to kiss I handed it to him and said "That's me".

He smile disappeared.

All this time, that was YOU?

I couldn't speak. I just shook my head.

That really was YOU?

I'm sorry Matthew...I'm so sorry...don't hate me!

What...this is fucking awesome, he said loud enough for the whole mall to hear. I think they did too. Really.

He stood up and said c'mon, we walked into a store and he grabbed a few shirts and headed to a changing room. I followed him him in and soon as the door was closed and locked we quietly locked lips...I ran my fingers through his hair...it was like everything around us wasn't there and we were alone. He felt so good, so warm, this was what I had been waiting for.

We were in there a few minutes, and he said his Mom wouldn't be home for a couple hours.

I knew what that meant.

Matthew lives close to the mall, just a few miles from me. Damn all this time he was so close, I just didn't know it. A short bike ride away. Damn. All this time. Damn. Damn. DAMN!!!!!

He lives in a really small old house, and the attic is his bedroom. In there it was really weird, he closed the drapes and we sat next to each other on his bed. He was breathing heavy and I swear I could hear his heart beating. I sat behind him and rubbed his shoulders and he told me he'd never had anyone do that to him, and I slid his shirt off and stroked his freckled back and kissed his neck.

He asked me if I was ready and I knew what he meant.

Seconds later he was done, and a minute later I was too.

We went into his bed and stretched out, a few minutes later repeating things. We went for three times before we got dressed, kissing for a long time before I left.

At home I sent him a simple text.

: )

He replied.

: ))

I took a nap and woke up with him on my mind, and texted him to see if he could go online. A few minutes later he was there in front of me on his webcam.

I turned my webcam on and he smiled at me. Like me he was drinking a can of Coke.

I became someone new on Sunday.

I'm still Sam.

Now I'm the boyfriend Sam : )

I'm beat, I need to go to sleep now. Thank you, I really mean that. You are more to me than I think you know.

Sam : )