[Edited for content 6/19/2012 by Sam]

This time the "peek" I'm going to give is very personal and deeply important to me, and it's the beginning of me explaining how I realized that I'm gay.

When I was born the first few days of my life were crazy from the way it's been explained to me, with my parents and their families trying to figure out what to do with me. I know they were seriously considering putting me up for adoption, and while I was still in the hospital another huge debate (fight) was going on.

Was I going to be circumcised or not? The clock's ticking...

My Mom and her side of the family not only wanted me cut but they wanted as much skin taken off as possible, to "prevent" the sinful acts that led to my conception. I'm not kidding, my Grandma actually told me that.

My Dad's family didn't want it done, so there was a big fight. What it came to was who ever took custody of me decided the fate of my penis, and that's the main reason my Grandma took me. She didn't want me to lose something so important, and she made some huge sacrifices taking me in. Once she told me this it made me feel even closer to her.

Like a lot of intact boys I couldn't pull the skin back, and having a lot of overhang didn't help things. Thanks to being involved in swimming and sports I've seen a lot of guys naked, so I know other guys weren't cut either.

My Grandma has always asked me if I can pull the skin back, and I told her no, and she helped me with it, with me doing the work. If she took me to a doctor the instant answer would be to get cut. In Europe as my Dad has told me the instant answer is to work on loosening it, cutting as the last resort.

Then she told me something most parents-not to mention grandparents- would probably never tell their son:

"It's really important to pull the skin back to keep it loose and problem free. Do it on a regular basis...in private. Only in private."

My Grandma gave me permission ,probably not thinking about it, to jerk off.

My first time doing that would open the door to me discovering my father's diary and the truth about many things I probably shouldn't even know about. It also made me aware of my gayness, which was still hidden in a dark, locked room.

Literally.

I hope you like the pun in the title of this one ; )

Sam