I feel sick. Like naseous. And anxious.
I've been reminiscing a lot lately. Right now I'm thinking about what happened with V. Freshman year girlfriend. The one i ran away with. I'm thinking about that is because I'm listening to Maps. By the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. It feels weird cause i cant comprehend how stupid i was. I dont know why I felt the way i did. She was beautiful. If anything, she was the exact opposite. haha. Maybe i was just a horny fifteen year old that confused love with lust. I thought she loved me. I thought i loved her. Hah.
Idk. And then I think about Christina. And how i was so convinced that i loved her. Now i dont know what i feel for her. Whatever i felt for her is fading now. And that kind of scares me. What if that's what life is? You fall madly in love with a person only to fall out of it weeks, months, maybe even years later. And once you're done, it's like it never even happened. What you felt for that person at one point in time no longer means anything. It seems as if it were a dream you had long ago. Fuzzy. Faded.
Can love really last forever? Actual romantic love. Not just the love you feel for a friend or family member.
I need a job. Fuck.
I've really bad about not smoking though. Haha. I give in easily to temptation. Which is bad.
I need to find a job that isnt going to drug test me. Which might be impossible. Either way, I'm not doing it again til i get a job. I hope.
I'm going to the library today to type up my resume. I have a lot of good stuff to put on there now :D. Customer Service certificate, two letters of recommendation, and work experience :).
I'm kind of really stressing about this. I was thinking of buying some cranberry pills and doing an at home detox. I cant put it off much longer. Ugh.
Hopefully no one asks for a DT. I hear fast food chains dont usually DT. Hm.
Now I'm listening to Anamanaguchi. Yay chiptunes.
My thinking face must be weird looking. Lol. Everytime I'm thinking and someone sees, they ask what's wrong. Usually nothing is wrong. I'm just thinking. Like I usually am. I never realized how much i think until recently. Anything and everything. I have a pretty awesome imagination. lol. :)