They Don't Love You Like I Love You.

27 March, 2012 - 10:45pm — cheese

I feel sick. Like naseous. And anxious.
I've been reminiscing a lot lately. Right now I'm thinking about what happened with V. Freshman year girlfriend. The one i ran away with. I'm thinking about that is because I'm listening to Maps. By the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. It feels weird cause i cant comprehend how stupid i was. I dont know why I felt the way i did. She was beautiful. If anything, she was the exact opposite. haha. Maybe i was just a horny fifteen year old that confused love with lust. I thought she loved me. I thought i loved her. Hah.
Idk. And then I think about Christina. And how i was so convinced that i loved her. Now i dont know what i feel for her. Whatever i felt for her is fading now. And that kind of scares me. What if that's what life is? You fall madly in love with a person only to fall out of it weeks, months, maybe even years later. And once you're done, it's like it never even happened. What you felt for that person at one point in time no longer means anything. It seems as if it were a dream you had long ago. Fuzzy. Faded.
Can love really last forever? Actual romantic love. Not just the love you feel for a friend or family member.

I need a job. Fuck.
I've really bad about not smoking though. Haha. I give in easily to temptation. Which is bad.
I need to find a job that isnt going to drug test me. Which might be impossible. Either way, I'm not doing it again til i get a job. I hope.
I'm going to the library today to type up my resume. I have a lot of good stuff to put on there now :D. Customer Service certificate, two letters of recommendation, and work experience :).
I'm kind of really stressing about this. I was thinking of buying some cranberry pills and doing an at home detox. I cant put it off much longer. Ugh.
Hopefully no one asks for a DT. I hear fast food chains dont usually DT. Hm.

Now I'm listening to Anamanaguchi. Yay chiptunes.
My thinking face must be weird looking. Lol. Everytime I'm thinking and someone sees, they ask what's wrong. Usually nothing is wrong. I'm just thinking. Like I usually am. I never realized how much i think until recently. Anything and everything. I have a pretty awesome imagination. lol. :)

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Cheese's journal

Comments

27 March, 2012 - 11:30pm — clarice123

I think romantic love can

I think romantic love can last forever. I think it's a choice. You can choose to love someone everyday. They become a part of you in so many ways that separating seems impossible. Maybe I'm talking more about the outcome of spending a life together. Maybe it's naive to believe that romantic love can last forever, but I want to.

As for the job, what about being a barista? It's lots of fun, you make decent tips, and I'm sure you'd find some like-minded folks among your co-workers.

29 March, 2012 - 9:49pm — cheese

I'm not sure anymore.

I love that idea as well, but the more experiences i have, the more I become aware of everything. Maybe romantic love can only last forever if it's with a soul mate. Maybe some people never find that person, therefore their love might fade eventually.

Maybe haha. I live in a tiny ass town, so i dont even know if i'd be able to find a job. My friend just got hired at K-Mart last week though. We'll see.

"So can you tell me what's left when everything you care for carries on, when broken dreams are built to make you strong. When the memories of yesterday fall through these broken dreams are built to help you through." ~Authority Zero

28 March, 2012 - 12:01am — stillgotlegs

I always found the idea of

I always found the idea of companies drug testing people mildly insulting. As long as I do my job properly, why should they care what I do in my free time?
---
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

29 March, 2012 - 9:45pm — cheese

Right?

It's not like I'm going to waltz into work stoned out of my mind. That's stupid. I'm not a hardcore druggie, i'm not hooked, I'm not a terrible person because of it. People need to friggin chill. Idk. I'm thinkning that I wont get tested because of my appearance. Hah. I look like a friggin goody-two shoes who's never had anything but a sugar high. c:
Hopefully, that's the case.