This is a page from my journal. Both types of writing are me, obviously.
GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY
STOP KIDDING YOURSELF.
YOU'RE GAY.
LIVE WITH IT.
DEAL WITH IT.
Who is this poophead above me, anyway? Why is it something I have to 'deal' with, 'live with'? It's not going anywhere, right? It's really not that big a deal.
WHATEVER. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
What can I do about it, dumbass? You are starting to irritate me. Imma sit around and study, that's what I
m going to do about it. Stop making this such a big deal. Quit it! Shut up and get out for a bit!
WHOA. ONLY TRYING TO HELP. DON'T YOU WANT A LITTLE SOUL SEARCHING?
A little goes a long way. A loong way.
...OK FINE. WHATEVER.
Arre. God. Drama queen. Quit being so senti. I didn't really mean go to hell. Just give me some peace.Pretty please? Go contemplate something else for a bit.
HMMM.. OK.
Really. It's not going to go anywhere.
Ok. So I do like her.
Ok.So I don't know whether I like him.
The point being, I will FAIL if I continue like this.
YOU MEAN, IF YOU CONTINUE TO STUDY LIKE A MANIAC?
I mean, if I continue to fill my brain space with this, even during exams.
So, if you could just hibernate or something. Like you did last year.
I'LL TRY, OK? I CAN'T PROMISE ANYTHING. I'M SORRY IF I DROVE YOU CRAZY. I'M SORRY, I JUST WANT YOU TO BE SURE, TO BE AWARE THAT IT'S A POSSIBILITY.
I am. It's just that it's not doing me any good, to think. To imagine. So stop that. So, cool?
COOL.
I know you'll be back tomorrow anyway.
I'LL TRY NOT TO.
Goodnight !