So i dropped music theory and now if i want to go to suzanne's i gotta stay here for two hours XD.
I've been looking at phones online, because honestly, I'm tired of being told when i can and cant use the phone at home. And using my mom's/sister's phone has gotten me in trouble a few times. Lol. Like when i forget to delete messages >.>; (not sexual lol. i def. remember to delete those....)
but yeah. I've decided on a Samsung Dart.
I think it'd work for me. I mean, it's an android and the plan im getting has unlimited texting and data. :o with 100 minutes. :p.
Im damn excited. even though i have to wait two paychecks til i can actually get it. ( along with the plan and everything) :3
I've decided that im not going to fly christina out here. It's damn expensive, and im risking too much. if things go wrong, i might be pushed over the edge.
I dont feel like killing myself over some bitch who i might not even end up with in the end. I wont ever kill myself over a girl. That's stupid. If im going to do it, i at least want a good enough reason. If it isnt good enough, then what's the point? haha. as blunt as that sounds. I'm a lover, but I'm also a fighter in a sense. Okay, she hurt me. Maybe things wont turn out the way i want them to. Oh well though, right? I may be depressed, but i will try my hardest to keep myself away from committing suicide. I think of it as running away from my problems. And that's a habit. I want to break that habit. So i wont do it when things get tough.
Because only pussies run away.
And i dont want to be a pussy anymore.
Fuck you, life.
Fuck you, Christina.
Fuck you, mom and gabe.
Fuck you, people that put me down.
I do realize that i might go home and cry my eyes out, but i dont care. At least i can feel. At least i know what it feels like to hurt. I know what it feels like to be loved too. I learn what to do to not hurt, and what to do to be loved.
Everything happens for a reason, and maybe the reason for this is that Christina and I weren't meant for eachother. Or maybe it's so i can mature more and be ready for a long term relationship and how to deal with it if she and i do end up together.
I still love her, but i need to put those feelings on hold. Maybe that's why my relationships dont work out. I need to focus on the present.