I know I just wrote a journal, but I've been faced with a...problem. Two problems, actually, in two different classes. In AP Psych we're compiling playlists of songs that remind us of important events in our lives. One of my events is meeting my first major, super-important crush. But we also have to write a paragraph about each song that goes in detail about the memory associated with it. This is where my problem begins...I didn't write on my playlist that my crush was, in fact, a girl.
I really don't see how I can possibly avoid telling my Psych teacher about this crush without mentioning gender. We're supposed to go into A LOT of detail. So, looks like I'm fucked. I have two options: I can either lie and refer to her as a he, or I can be honest and reveal something to my AP Psych teacher that I can't even share with my own mother. Lying wouldn't be that big a deal, but...I'm sick of hiding it.
But that's not the only sexuality-based problem! In AP English we're writing definition essays, in which we pull a word out of a box and write an entire essay about what that word means to us. Words like "poverty" and "conservative" and "happiness." Guess which word I got? Orientation. There are so many ways I can approach that word. Religious orientation? Sexual orientation? I'm gonna ask questions about it tomorrow, but if I take it in the sexuality direction, I don't see how I can pull it off without coming out to my teacher in the essay.
I adore my AP English teacher. She has confidence in my writing, and she really thinks I can pull of a career as an author. I doubt she or my AP Psych teacher would confront me about it, but...what if they get uncomfortable around me from then on? They could be religious. They could be intolerant. I just worry about it.
I guess I could hide it in both essays, but to be honest I really don't want to. I've been presented with two opportunites to be open about my sexuality through writing, when I've been hiding it for so long. But I'd be sharing it with teachers. And that seems wrong, because I haven't even come out to friends and family yet.
I'm torn. Anybody got any wise words of wisdom or something? I'm leaning towards just going for it, just being open and honest, but I'm still very undecided.