I've been mulling over my sexual innocence lately. Confession time: I have never masturbated, and I have never looked at porn. Horrible, right? I fantasize a lot, but that's really my only outlet for my sexual curiosity. Nothing physical at all. But I don't have any desire to masturbate, and I have no desire to watch porn. I do, however, have a desire to be with someone.

But if you have sex with someone for the first time without ever having masturbated before, you have no idea what you like and it's just a million times more awkward. Here is my dilemma. So I don't know. I guess the whole point of this is to declare how completely innocent I am. Hell, I've never even made out with anyone before. One step at a time, I suppose. First, make out with a girl. THEN comes the sexytime. God damn I am pathetic. I'm TOO innocent, really.

Something weird happened to me at work the other day. Business was slow, so I was just kinda standing there, and suddenly I got really dizzy. My vision became distorted and my head was pounding and I felt sick. So I stumbled to the bathroom, almost falling because I was so dizzy, and I threw up a bit. Then my hearing went bad; everything sounded fuzzy and odd. But soon after I puked I felt better. It was just a really quick episode of some sort. It can't be dehydration, because I had just drank a glass of water. I have no idea why that happened, but it was scary.

Had an appointment with my counselor yesterday. I think that once I come out and all of the horrible reactions and emotions have died down, I won't need my counselor anymore. How long that will take I have no idea. I just know that I'll really, really miss her. Everytime I talk to her I feel so much better.

My paycheck was pathetic. I only made 60 bucks, which is half of what I expected to make. Problem is the pay period ends before I thought it did, so Christmas shopping is gonna be tricky. All of my budgeting skills taught in Economics were meant for this one situation. I bought something for my sister and one of my friends, and some stuff for my secret Santa thing in journalism, so that's a few gifts out of the way.

My great aunt sent me her ancient copy of Gone With the Wind as an early Christmas gift. That book is, like, 700 pages long. Now I know why the movie is 5 hours. I'll cherish this gift forever; it's something to remind me of her. Why does it always take a tragedy for people to become closer to one another?

I drove in snow for the first time today. And damn was it scary. I slid several times, panicked and saw my life flash before my eyes, but I made it okay. My car is breaking down though. Now I'll have to spend money to fix it up. Just in time for the holiday season! Oh, the pleasures of owning a car.

You know who I don't get? People who don't like music. How do you not like any kind of music? I mean, even liking that shitty pop music is better than not liking anything at all. People who don't like music must be very, very boring. That's my guess.