An Incredibly Self-Indulgent Story: About a year ago I didn't really like myself, so I started to change myself. It started off as little things; working out more, being more social, trying to become more organized. It's been panning out surprisingly well, and I am fairly content overall. But at the moment, I feel stuck.
It's like I'm trying to jump tried over this large gap between old me and new me. Right now, I am caught mid jump; I know who I was and who I want to be, but I have no idea who I am now.
It's all very confusing, and I end up reciting facts about myself to myself, thinking maybe it will help. It's pretty stupid. But it's probably a pretty common process, so I shouldn't be upset about it. It just would have been nice to get all this identity shit out of the way in high school.
I promise I have real problems, and I swear I will never write about them here. I don't really know what Oasis is for me, but it's not a place to pour the soul out. It's too bad, really.
Know what is stupid? Sometimes, the things people assume are true about me are more believable than the actual truth. If I tried to tell them the truth, they would probably believe I was lying, so I let them believe the lies.
I used to think that people who believe in the supernatural are idiots.
Later, I thought that they where just undereducated; it's not their fault they don't understand science and cannot think rationally.
I don't know what to think today. I really don't understand faith, I want to. It's extremely doubtful I will ever become religious, but I'm not afraid of that possibility any longer. I'm just kind of disgusted by how much of an arrogant prick I was.
Oh god, look at me! I'm SUCH a good, open minded individual now. I need to share with the world how much I've improved!
Not only that, but the realities of my life are 100% unique and need to be shared with the world. How else will people understand how deep and special I am? Oh, and this journal is in NO WAY a poorly coded attempt to explain why my last journal (deleted) sounded like a poorly written dating ad.
And that's not even including my REAL problems, because my REAL problems are just so traumatic and real that they completely dwarf your problems. But I don't talk about them, because I'm troubled and mysterious.
Oooh, and let me tell you a story from my life! But I'll be sure to preface it with some defacing remark calling myself self-indulgent, just so you will understand how MODEST I am. Apparently, I haven't yet realized that it's impossible NOT to sound self important when you talk about yourself constantly.
This is what it's like inside of my head.