a man invited me to have coffee with him
he looks nice

he's in his forties, i think
and i think we're going on thursday

it's dumb really and i always seem to go towards older guys when i feel a need for gratification

and i like being with people who don't know me at all because
i can be everything or anything
i don't have to represent anything
and i have no expectations.

it's just nice.

i don't want to sleep with him or anything
you either have to be good looking or really intelligent for me to want that from you

and i haven't seen any of those yet so..

but it's hard for me at the same time because wounds are still fresh so
i don't know
we'll see when we get there.

it's like i'm constantly falling from a skyscraper
telling myself
so far so good as each floor passes

but what counts isn't the fall,
it's the landing
(la haine).