I've changed my mind about my college of choice. I was planning on a liberal arts college in Chicago, but I found another private college in a smaller town. I am NOT a very urban girl. At all. My grandpa is a retired farmer and I spent the majority of my childhood on that farm. The town I live in is pretty big, around 40,500 people, which is the perfect size for me. Big cities make me uncomfortable. I don't like the noise or the people. And I did some thinking, and I came to the conclusion that I would be miserable in Chicago. Too big, too risky, too expensive.

This other college is pretty much perfect. An LGBT club, in a town that's the perfect size for me, a shit ton of unique courses in creative writing and English...they have an entire class that's all about zombies in literature and media. Yes, really. I won't be taking it, but still, that's pretty damn awesome. They also have courses about sexuality, which I would love to take. I wanted to send a request for in-depth information, but they asked for my ACT scores, and I haven't taken that yet, so I shall wait until the end of this year.

But anyway. I found out recently that my dad has been writing bad checks to businesses. How he has managed to elude arrest is a mystery to me. When I say that, I don't mean he's hiding or anything...the law just hasn't intervened yet. He's filing for bankruptcy, but that's no excuse. He owes my mom thousands of dollars in attorney fees, and he's trying to get out of child support, AND he's having surgery on his foot in January...and the incredibly annoying thing is, he's still spending money like there's no tomorrow. It's just appalling to me that he can get away with any of this.

I may have to look for another job. I learned today that the restaurant I work at hired WAY too many people just to get through the grand opening rush that lasted for a month, and now that business has slowed a bit they're firing half of their employees, and many have quit. I haven't been fired, but they only have me working 4 hours a week, on Fridays. That's barely enough money to put gas in my car. 35 dollars a week. I get paid Monday, so I'll talk to my manager about it then.

I just really hope they're willing to give me more hours. If I can't get more, I'll have to look elsewhere for work. Job hunting is a complete nightmare. My manager is a total witch. I do everything to please that woman, and she's never satisfied. Ugh. She's ruthless. I could easily imagine her refusing to give me more hours just out of spite.

The TV in my basement has stopped working. It shut off suddenly and then I smelled something burning, so I unplugged it as quickly as I could. This TV has been working like new since we first bought it in the mid-90's. The thing is about 15 years old, and it's never failed us until now. Damn. So now there's no TV for me since I live in the basement. I'm not that upset about it. I don't watch TV as often as most people.

My mom and I had another talk about religion. She was trying to force me to go to church and I said, very calmly, that I didn't want to go. She then went into a long story about how, when she was my age, she strayed from religion, lost sight of her morals, rediscoverd Jesus after I was born, blah blah blah. All I said in response was that right now, I do not believe in any sort of god, but that doesn't make me some kind of immoral, heartless devil child. I have morals, I'm a compassionate person, the end. Finally she actually let me stay home. Shocking. I'm not sure if she's going to keep forcing me to go to church or not.

Newspaper girl. Oh my god. We actually talk now, we have actual conversations. I payed for her bowling shoes for P.E cuz she forgot her money, and we talked a bit, and I made her laugh so hard she was almost crying, and I've never felt so warm and fuzzy before. Ever. Seriously. And we're working on a feature story for the paper together. At this rate, I think I can get her number by the end of the year. I can't lose this opportunity.

This is wonderful. I feel wonderful. This isn't at all how I felt when I fell for my best friend. It's so much more positive, and not nearly as scary. With my other crushes, there was never a real chance, but now...I'm more willing to take more risks. And if it doesn't work out, then at least I put myself out there, at least I made myself known and didn't just sit quietly in my own pathetic-ness.

Everything's good. I'm happy. All is right with the world.