My job requires i have a certain mind set, like so many jobs do. But the jobs that most people my age have include bagging groceries or flipping burgers. Mine has me telling jokes on stage.
I love my job. I love being a comedian, it suits me, but the bad part of comedy suiting your person is that it goes the other way as well. I am also suited for comedy. Not just it for me. So it goes without saying that i have a bit of an odd thought process since i've been asked to perform on a number of occasions.
I started doing it because of an odd occurance. I was thirteen and my sister found my journal, she was only eleven at the time, and was at the stage that she's very curious about her older brother and is always curious about everything i do. So...i found her sitting on my bed with my journal open and in hand. She was laughing so hard she struggled to breath.
I didn't understand, they were just my everyday thoughts. But apparantely my oppinions and the way i presented them were hillarious. So i started sharing them with people. And they too laughed. It became a hobby. I had no idea it would lead to my dream job.
I was in a bar with my dad, when i was younger he was part of a motorcycle club at the local VFW bar and had to attend meetings. So i went with him, and i was sitting at the bar doing homework and sipping on a Dr. Pepper every thursday since cracking jokes with the bartender and her customers. Eventually the word got back to my dad that i was quite the joke teller and he encouraged my dreams.
I now work regularly in a sports bar in town where i live. It's a job i do more for idealistic purposes rather than the money. Don't get me wrong, i love getting paid. But to get the reactions i do on stage is so rewarding.
I've also changed people. Not to sound too noble for the cause, but i'm open about my homosexuality when i'm on stage, no matter who i'm performing for. A few times there's been people stand up to leave. But right as they stand i tell a joke and they laugh and wait. WHile they wait i tell another. After a few good ones, they sit back down and decide to watch. This doesn't happen every time, but most the time that's how it ends up.
I've been referred to as the "straightest gay guy" they've ever met. I still laugh at that to this day.
I'm telling you all this because i'm especially proud of my event coming up this weekend. On saterday i've been offered a gig in a seminar at a local college. Their LGBT Club is throwing a benifit to raise money in the cause of AIDS cure research.
I am personally VERY honored. I've never done a job specifically asking of my gay side. I've mentioned it on stage, yes. Included it in my act, absolutely. But never have i been presented with the oppertunity to speak on behalf of a part of myself that is usually so mistreated.
I am looking forward to the performance. My ex (the boy i mentioned in my last post...quick right? Yeah...he was a douche.) is going because his brother is at the college, so i'm not exactly gonna go crowed surfing to try and meet EVERYBODY. I'll avoid him if i can, but he'll probably try and talk again. I really don't want to. As much as i would love some companionship, he was clear and blunt on his oppinion that if i truely cared for him i should change for him.
I'm fine with speaking your oppinions. That's what i do on stage. But when you do that, you should always be prepared and expect people to react the way they feel and express themselves right back. I told him i wouldn't change. I told him no one who wants me to change is worth being with. He held fast to his thoughts, so it was over.
Oh well, i'll deal with Kendrick when we get there.
'Til then, i'm working on my material. I'll post a bit of it below, warning though. my comedy is rather shocking sometimes. Plenty of odd thought. Yeah, like most comedy, it does make you think a bit. But you might not like what you think. You have been warned.
I don't know much about marriage, society doesn't really allow us to. As gays, most the human race expects us to have nothing to do with marriage for one bigot reason or another. So to get back at them, i ask them if they think they know more about marriage than i do. And most of them say something like "More than any gay man could" I know i know, i wanted to hit them too. Instead, i tested them. I asked them a question they were shocked by and had no answer for. "If you marry a necrophiliac...do you have to say "til death do us part"?"
It's like lighting a bottle rocket, set the fire, step back, and watch it go bang.
I love lesbians man. I love them so much. Not because of teh reason straight men do, but because they're funny. I make fun of myself a lot, but they have such great senses of humor. They'll joke about themselves! They're so ok with it and are relaxed! Just the other day i was talking with my friend who's a lesbian and my friend who's a bi girl. The lesbian looked at the bi girl and told her she's a pretty girl but she'd never sleep with her. The bi girl just smiled and asked why. So the lesbian told her that she knew a million guys who would sleep with her herself because she was lesbian, and guys love girls who'll do girls. So she knew for sure that the bi girl has had plkenty of offers, and chances are she took those offers. The lesbians words still ring through my mind to this minute. "If you took HALF those offers then you would be so tore up down there i could yodel in it and hear an echo. Seriously! I'd need scuba gear to get to the sweet spot!"
Such a way with words.
But i'm happy i'm a big guy. I'm out of shape, very true. But i'm glad i am. You know why? Because my friends. There is an advantage to being fat...and that advantage is...i am hard as HELL to kidnap.
I'm pretty fat under these clothes. Now i know you're all in college, so you'll get this better if i'm more visual. Let me explain.
Take the biggest bowl you own. not your bowl for cereal, not the bowl you wear as a hat when you're drunk as all heavenly hocked christ. I'm talking the BIGGEST BOWL YOU OWN.
THAT BOWL...is a dimple in my ass.
When you can pull down your pants, lay on the coffee table in your living room and serve Chex-Mix out of the dimple in your ass...maybe you should consider the side salad.