I don't know why this one in particular is affecting me more than usual: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/17/jamie-hubley-commits-suicide_n_...
But it is. It's like ruined my whole day :P and I'm just wondering WHY THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE HOT GAY GUYS OFF IN OTHER PLACES TOTALLY OPEN AND THEN DESPAIR FOR LACK OF FUCKING COMPANIONSHIP AND KILL THEMSELVES. I'M RIGHT FUCKING HERE SERIOUSLY.
I mean, Billy Lucas, Seth Walsh, Harrison Chase Brown and now another guy I can't stop thinking his last name is only 1 letter off from our Matthew's.
It's like HOW MANY CAN BE LEFT WITH ALL THESE HOT GAY GUYS KILLING THEMSELVES, I WANT FOR COMPANIONSHIP TOO.
Anyway, selfish rant over, I was wondering, and this is maybe a little morbid and more than probably inspired by Jamie Hubley, but if you were going to commit suicide, how would you do it?
Now, just to prevent overreactions, don't fucking worry, I ain't committing suicide anytime soon. Just wondering.
I would think, assuming I could drive, (this is assuming suicide in the near future) I would probably leave a note, explaining everything, it'd probably be quite long, and I'd probably play my favorite piano piece, The Reflection Rag one more time before leaving the house.
Then I'd drive off, probably to Mount Pugh, which you've probably never heard of, but it's a beautiful mountain here in the Cascades, it stands by itself at the end of a valley, and it's very remote, hardly anyone ever goes there, my brother climbed it with his friend and he said there were only 2 people on the trail register for the past 2 weeks, (I'm so jealous! If I have a boyfriend by some late summer or another we are so going to fucking Mount Pugh to climb it, cause there's never anyone else around. Or, I might do it myself) I'd climb the mountain then.
I'd let my parents know in the note where to find the car, at the trailhead perhaps, but then I'd leave the trail after I'd climbed the mountain, (by the way, it might not be Mount Pugh, there are several other fucking beautiful mountains I've seen, Monte Cristo Peak, Del Campo Peak, all things I plan to climb one day) in fact, after thinking about it, I think Monte Cristo Peak might be cooler, but whatever, they're both fucking beautiful.
Then, I know it's selfish, but when I die, whenever that may be, tomorrow, 6 months, 80 years, I don't want my body to be found, my fingernails trimmed and cleaned, scrubbed up perfect and looking like an angel, and then put in an antiseptic box and buried in some artificially landscaped cemetery, to rot away in this box. I mean, I know that burials are not for the dead, they're for the living, but I just can't console myself with the idea of doing that pussy shit to my body, even after I'm gone. Even though I think of death as the end, no heaven, no hell, just gone, so even though I'll be gone, I don't like the thought while I'm still alive of getting put in a cemetery.
So, I'd like to then, depending where I do, maybe I'll climb several mountains, hell, I have the rest of my life to do it, but after I'm done with that, given myself some absolute last minute chances to think about it, to look at the incredible beauty of the world around me, if I still want to, I'll find some secluded spot, and kill myself.
I don't know exactly how I'd do it, I don't like the thought of a gun, maybe I'd slit my wrists or throat or something, but I trust I'll figure it out if I ever want to, and kill myself there. I don't really care if I'm buried or not, if I'm just buried in the Earth, with no coffin or anything, but since I'd almost certainly do this alone I definitely won't be buried.
That's fine with me, maybe some animal can find me and make use of my body. God knows I'll have no more use for it.
So, if I was going to kill myself sometime soon, that's how I'd do it.
Now, I like to think that I'll live a long time, but I also like to think that's how I'll die, on my own terms. The people who are against euthanasia are in my mind FUCKING EVIL PRICKS.
I think, hope, that someday, if I ever get diagnosed with some incurable cancer or if I just feel that my time is just running out, if I ever sense age about to take away my able mobility, I hope that I'll go on a trip.
A long trip, perhaps a few weeks, carrying as much food as I can, probably by myself, perhaps with a husband or so if I have one, just traveling through and seeing the mountains, they're so beautiful, and then at the end I'll kill myself.
The people who are against euthanasia, there are many people I hate, creationists who want it taught in schools, people against gay rights, most Republicans who've ever lived, but I think the group I think is the most vile are people against euthanasia.
The idea of "Sanctity of Life" meaning that it's a fucking moral imperative for us to keep around these miserable, people as long as possible till the bitter end, costing more and more money and work from society the longer it goes on, just so that they don't die a few months or even years earlier is just so fucking evil I can't hardly believe it.
The idea that people have to go to a bitter end rather than ending their life on their own terms while still having basic mobility, ugh.
I think that's a beautiful poem, describing what I think, despite the tragedy of the last few things you might miss, I think it's so much better to die in your prime than on the other side of it.
So, yeah, I hope I do that some day.
If you guys can believe it, all this talk of me killing myself has actually cheered me up a little from how sad I was before. But just a little.
I hope I feel better tomorrow...
How would you commit suicide?