berlin, without return

14 October, 2011 - 6:25am — 625539

(if there are men in heaven you will find war there)

i have an addiction problem, i just wanted to admit it somewhere

reality is repulsive
my actions are repulsive

i am a liar of the worst kind because i believe the tales i tell
i get caught in them and i am my own audience
but who could blame the call to be a stranger?

to forget yourself
to be a character in a different story..?
to deny yourself is to deny responsibility
to deny yourself is to deny your ghosts
to deny yourself is to reclaim innocence

...
i so hate being alone and sober
i need to be reminded i exist, or forget it entirely

otherwise i cannot bear being uncertain

sometimes i want to go somewhere and hide
until everyone has forgotten
even myself

Meanwhile _____ is my Berlin
where I know nothing but I know I could find peace
where no one can find me
But it's just a dream waiting.

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625539's journal

Comments

14 October, 2011 - 12:41pm — elph

"i so hate being alone and sober"

This is the crux?

Do you know the way out of the maze?

Would you like someone to hold your hand... and not let go?

14 October, 2011 - 1:34pm — Uncertain

I try...

...but frequently fall flat!

But, your comment is appreciated.

16 October, 2011 - 6:37pm — 625539

yes no yes

yes
no
yes

17 October, 2011 - 2:27pm — elph

If I could be granted...

...another life, I would be both willing and extremely honored!

But, regrettably... reality is what it is! :(

14 October, 2011 - 6:18pm — Quietwarrior

-

I had a thought today whist alone, before going back to a mutual group.

"Would they relish the thought of my non existence"

I have no productive advice but i felt to mention this here.

14 October, 2011 - 8:21pm — jeff

Hmm...

Art is often a lie told to reveal a greater truth.

Did I miss the follow-up to the Ouija shenanigans?

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

14 October, 2011 - 10:59pm — elph

I believe...

...it's died a natural death.

But between you and me... I'd like to believe... but I can't!

16 October, 2011 - 6:37pm — 625539

@jeff we played in a haunted house, nothing happened but we were about six and we heard the creepiest laugh coming from every corner of the room. we were home alone in a locked room in the basement with no vents or windows. we decided to give witchcraft a rest.

12 November, 2011 - 8:03am — godforbidlaura

what i got.

There was a time when i spent all my waking hours (and there were a lot of them) wishing that i could evaporate just disappear, or get hit by a truck, or have a bus fall on me like some freaky donnie darko style accident. That's not the way it is anymore. I hated being alone and sober or alone and fucked up or fucked up with other people or sober with other people or really just being, i hated being. that's not the way it is anymore, and if you don't want it to be like that, or to get like that, it doesn't have to. That's the truth and it's all i got.

There is a principle which is a bar to all information which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance- that principle is contempt prior to investigation- Herbert Spencer