so tired and so much to do

yesterday covered fashion week, got high with a model then to a meeting
tonight more networking and coverage of fashion week, 3 shows
plus seven courses and 20 hours of "real work" per week

i also need to promote our parties and try to find local designers and artists for a future event we're planning ASAP.. wish i could give more details but it's top secret but it will be awesome

i'm happy though.. it's exciting to do a job like this and make contacts... like yesterday i met the editor-in-chief for a major fashion magazine which was great... and an old man gave me his number

at the same time i'm just worried because this is picking up but like everything is picking up at once... like i need to spend more time with my mom, need to spend more time working on school, need to spend more time with my boyfriend and it's tough to balance... like i don't want to give up on anything and i don't want anything i do to be mediocre

like i want really badly to excel at everything and be perfect but it's hard

and i haven't been coping properly (little to no sleep + smoking many more cigarettes than usual + smoking more weed that usual) but i guess i'm sort of transitioning so that's why, once i settle into a pace it will be ok