I'm going to visit my aunt, who is suffering from liver cancer, on Labor Day. This sounds awful, but I don't want to go. I don't want to see what she looks like. I don't even know what I would say to her. We've barely spoken and she's rarely shown any interest in my life, just like all of my other relatives on my dad's side. She's never been interested in me. Why should I be interested in her? Why should I care? She's a stranger. Just like my grandma and my aunt and my cousin on my dad's side. None of them know anything about me.
I used to have friends that were totally awesome. Now they really suck. I think everybody is just going through a self-centered phase right now. My former best friends and I never hang out. We never text or call each other. We used to do all those things. All the time. They show no concern about anything going on in my life. I think I'm starting to dislike them now, and I never thought that could happen. They're just being really selfish and they don't even bother with me anymore. So fuck them.
98% of my friends are awful. I only have, like, two friends who are worth a shit right now. And if I talk to anyone else, it's just to pass the time. I have very little sympathy or compassion for anyone.
But wait! This whole journal is not whiny!
My crush on the girl who works on the school paper with me is getting stronger every day. I also have P.E with her, and she's SO ADORABLE. She's not hot and sexy and sensual, she's cute and beautiful. And she's nice to everybody, and she doesn't whine and bitch all the time like most girls, and HER LAUGH OH MY GOD. It's the greatest laugh ever. I know I've said that about other girls before, but I'm serious this time.
She's just so awesome. I wonder who her boyfriend is. He's the luckiest bastard alive and I wish I was him. I'm not in over my head, though. I know she's not interested. But I love talking to her, and I'm slowly working my way to being her friend. But I only have the rest of this year. She's a senior. Maybe if I'm lucky we can get close enough and I can stay in touch with her after she graduates. No more awkward Jenna. I can actually talk to her without feeling uncomfortable and embarrassing myself.
I wrote two book reviews for the school paper and I have two interviews to do next week. I got A's on my Calculus and AP Psych tests. OH and I got my dress for homecoming. I really really wish I had a date. Still really tired of being single. REALLY REALLY TIRED YOU GUYS.