So I went camping this weekend, which was pretty great over all (I tried smores for the first time!) That being said, I actually had a moment when I mentally flinched at something someone said that clearly gendered me, which is strange because I'm usually pretty chill about it, not including when my roommate is wierd about/blatantly points out my breasts --protip: just 'cause you're not attracted to them doesn't mean you've got to make them out to be alien life forms-- and it took me by surprise.
Basically, we were talking about washrooms, and how they're gendered, and one of my friends who is physically female and identifies as "whatever" said something along the lines of "I've gotten harassed in female bathrooms because people think I'm a guy. I've never gotten it in guys' bathrooms, because guys just don't care, and they dont' look. *You*" (to me) "could go into a guys' bathroom and they probably wouldn't notice. A bride in full wedding regalia could go in and they probably wouldn't notice."
Ironically, that day I was wearing baggy shorts and an oversized tshirt, with my breasts bound and my hair tied back and tucked under my hoodie. I'm doin' it wrong, guys, I don't even know. And then her comment sent me into a spiral of 'Maybe there's some super sekrit trick to not looking like a super girly girl or what have you that you can only find by being able to see, I'd be superfucking happy with looking androgynous or like a boy who looks like a girl ok' I mean, partly it was because I had spent all day in the sun and was feeling kind of physically shitty already, and I'd just been writing a genderqueer character so I was more aware of it (not that you can be unaware of gender when you hang out with my friends, we're sort of those crazy academics/advocates), but I was still surprised by how much that bothered me. I'd forgotten about it by that night (mint baileys is really good you guys) but by Sunday it was bothering me again, so I figured I'd write it out somewhere, because I'd feel silly telling my friends about it and it really oughtn't be bothering me.