The Online Profile: A Translation

Just Dave's picture

Just a few common terms and their english translation.

"I'm a chill guy" -I want desperately to appear straight.

"Masc. and discreet" -I'm deeply closeted, possibly permanently.

"I'm just a normal, caring guy" -There is something very wrong with me that you will probably not discover until much later.

"I'm funny" -See above.

"I enjoy philosophical conversations and being intellectually stimulated." -It's very likely that I use marijuana. It's equally likely that it takes little to intellectually stimulate me.

"I take care of my body" -I workout because I am vain.

"My friends say I'm fun" -I talk unnecessarily loud in social situations.

"People say I'm attractive" -I'm too insecure to say that I think I'm attractive, which I do.

"My username is Just Dave" -I'm cynical and a hypocrite. Usually, I make fun of other people so I don't have to think about my own life for a short time. Somehow, I think being hard on my self makes being a bitch okay.

As you can tell, it's not been an excellent week. I'm going to lay some facts down about my life. If I do that, this will seem like a normal journal.

1) I'm trying to learn how to lap swim. I am terrible at it. Every third length of the pool I choke on water and all the life guards stand up and look nervous.

2) I'm too tired to finish writing this.

Comments

GenerationsGapped's picture

I like the cynical nature of

I like the cynical nature of this post, but as someone who come out only to be dismissed by other gays as "too straight" and "too masculine" I decided to go right back in the closet and threw on a extra deadbolt!

Guys like me face a different kind of persecution for just being ourselves, and honestly if I have to contort myself and live a lie to fit into a group that I was born into, I may as well just go on with my life and do my own thing.

I have a theory that if all the regular guys like me who just happen to be gay came out at once there would be a whole new attitude to us based on our sheer numbers, but we know that won't happen.

Matt

C.J. is a 21 year old chubby heavy metal fanatic living Green in the South. Matt is his retired thirty something boyfriend living life to the fullest.

Just Dave's picture

Uh, no.

Usually I resist posting on your journals because I don't want to appear rude, or start another flame war, or make you feel persecuted. Now, however, I think I get to say a few things.

1) First of all, I don't know even know how your comment relates to my journal. Was I condemning gay guys who "act straight"? Did I ever say that all gay guys should stay out of the closet? No. This journal was just a list of stupid assumptions I make about people based on their online profiles.

2) "... a group I was born into"? Really? Why on earth would you assume that, because you like men, you would fit perfectly in an entire group of people? Furthermore, why is it important whether or not your friends are gay? I'm sure there are plenty of straight men and women who share your interests who would love your company. And the fact that your friends are straight doesn't mean you have to be in the closet.

3) The fact that you don't fit into a specific social group doesn't mean you are being persecuted. The logical jump from "I don't relate to these people" to "These people are persecuting me" is a large one, and one that I do not understand.

4) "I have a theory that if all regular guys like me...": Unless you are referring to the frequency of your bowel movements, I fail to see how any guy can be more "regular" than anyone else.

5) The reason I'm being rather nasty right now is because you two frustrate me greatly. Why? Because in many ways, we are very similar. I too am not a guy anyone assumes is gay. I have "straight" hobbies like whitewater kayaking, camping and snowboarding. Most of the video games I own are first person shooters, and before I had any music by Gaga or Minaj, I would listen to System of a Down and Billy Talent on repeat.

Furthermore, my first experiences with other gay guys where all horrible. I got called an ugly closet-case who was way too skinny. But I never once felt like I didn't belong, because I never assumed I would.

From an outsider's perspective, it seems like your bigger problem is your terribly negative outlook, not the way people treat you.

Also, I'm not usually this bitchy, I promise. You just kinda caught me at a very bad time.

jeff's picture

Sums it up....

---
"Why be given a body if you have to keep it locked up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?" - Katherine Mansfield

Just Dave's picture

Yup.

Once again, my life can be easily expressed through musical numbers. Also, is there a place where I can buy/watch all of this?

jeff's picture

Yeah...

This is on DVD, it is Stephen Sondheim's Company (Broadway Revival), with Raul Esparza.

---
"Why be given a body if you have to keep it locked up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?" - Katherine Mansfield

jeff's picture

Oh...

And a recent NY Philharmonic staging with Neil Patrick Harris, Patti LuPone, Stephen Colbert, etc., is also supposed to come out in the near future on DVD, too, I think.

---
"Why be given a body if you have to keep it locked up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?" - Katherine Mansfield

radiosilence95's picture

This made me laugh.

Ah, sweet cynicism. It is the personality trait of mine that never ceases to annoy people :P