I've been making the mistake of mixing up "your" and "you're"; and "they're", "their", and "there" much more often recently. That never used to happen. I'm very visual and they're all separate words inside of my head and I understand the differences very well.
I tend to mix up words that are similar visually instead of ones that sound alike. Like The "Smiths" and "Sting", for instance. They don't sound alike at all (nor does their music) but they're similar in color and close in length. That plus a dosage of wishful thinking leads me to believe that every instance of "Sting" is "The Smiths". I always get excited, and then disappointed. (Sting isn't terrible... Just... Not The Smiths.)
So anyway, I feel like I'm just as visual as always, but I think this shift means that I'm thinking more in audio as well, which is cool. More chances for me to mix things up, but cool anyway. Hehe. I've been working with music a lot more, and training my ear recently... so the shift makes sense.
I don't know how apparent it is, but I have a really shitty sense of self-worth. You know, if it exists at all.
It's a problem, and it's a self-feeding one because I have a hard time convincing myself that I'm... Worth having a sense of self-worth? Something like that. I don't want to say self-esteem because it's mostly when it comes to social things and dealing with other people. Personally, I know I deserve to be happy, and that I am capable of learning whatever I want, and I'm confident in my ability to do so, as well as in my ability to pick up new skills and so on. But I just don't feel like I'm worth anyone else's time or energy. Like... People like me but because I have certain skills or because I can give them resources or advice. I'm not convinced that people actually care about me, or really want to help me or listen to me. That they just pity me so they do so anyway.
Which is completely stupid of me because my friends very clearly do care about me... A lot. But knowing and believing are two different things. XP
So anyway, I've been taking the situation apart and trying to figure out why I feel this way and what I can do about it. Maybe I'll even get (free!) counseling when I'm in school. That way if the counselling is bad I can request someone else and I didn't waste money. heh. Technically it'd be my dad's money but I cost way more than enough as it is... >_> I'm really lucky to have him as my dad though.
I went swimming for the first time in ages. It was... Really uncomfortable? I dunno. I've got a lot of problems with what my torso looks like.
It's all in my head though. Nobody looked at me funny or asked weird questions or anything. I was at a party at a friends' house with a buncha people I didn't know.
This friend, by the way... She's extremely good looking. Haha. Especially in a swimsuit. I don't know why that's relevant but I felt like mentioning it anyway. She used to have a crush on me and it kinda sucks because it would've been really fun to date her but I just wasn't interested. I'm still not, but I kinda wish I had been. We coulda gone on adventures together and she'd be so great for snuggling with. I kinda want to cuddle with her anyway just because... But I'm too awkward for that. :P
Yeah, I have a list of friends that I wouldn't mind cuddling with but am too awkward for. Okay, the list is kinda short, but it has multiple items so it's a list.
I figured out vegan crepes. How awesome is that? Now I want to eat them all of the time. Hahaha.