hiiiii oasis
I'ven't been posting since nothing cool has been happening lately at all.
NOTHING >:C
KT is off on a 3-week vacation so I'm kinda alone. My 4th of July sucked :C
Ah... I've been drawing a lot. I just finally got my tablet driver software to work on my laptop so I can draw on it :D
I've been playing Portal 2 and Ocarina of Time lately. <3 Also been playing pokemon, training myself a pretty cool team. If anyone wants to battle... :P <3
Anyways, can you guys explain something to me? What's with the fixation that sexual abuse is OH SO WORSE than phyiscal? Because I'm really sick of people taking sexual abuse like it's the worst thing ever, when I've had both, and arguably the physical is worse.
With molestation/rape, sure someone's making your body do things you don't want. But with physical abuse, the same is true- You get hurt more though, and you may even fear for your life. At least with the other ones you know more of what's coming. Maybe you can't stop it, but you don't have to worry about making it worse and getting killed, like physical abuse.
I'm tired of feeling like, oh, you just got beat? That sucks. Oh you got MOLESTED? YOU POOR THING. When the latter has barely affected me, and the former is much worse.
I don't get why genitals = such a big deal to everyone.
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Comments
Uhh...
Not sure about the presumption that rape can't end in murder. It often does.
I don't think it's a competition, though. But my guess is there is a stronger mental component with sexual abuse, dependent on the type of physical abuse, of course.
I saw Jim Jefferies perform stand-up recently, and he said it would be a good match if we matched up pedophiles with kids with terminal illnesses, since the problem isn't actually the sex, it's the memories that haunt you. (And he was actually molested, btw)
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"Why be given a body if you have to keep it locked up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?" - Katherine Mansfield
I'm sure there are plenty of
I'm sure there are plenty of other people who have survived both who feel the other way around too. You can't really compare the two that way because each person's experience is different.
And the thing about sexual abuse is that... People are a lot less likely (not saying it doesn't happen because it certainly does, unfortunately) to be blamed for physical abuse. Victim-blaming is especially prominent when it comes to sexual violence and I think that's part of why people react more intensely.
Anyway, I think my point is that both things are terrible, and I'm very sorry for what you've been through... But I don't think it's fair to act like psychical abuse is always worse than sexual abuse. I understand that it was for you, and I get that you feel like people don't appreciate your pain, which is frustrating... But it's not a competition.
And on a completely unrelated note: You have brilliant taste in video games. :]
I do love video games :P Lots of them :D Super gamer nerd here.
I'm not saying that the sexual abuse nor the physical abuse is worse- That's my point. Whatever happens that makes you hurt worse does. But when people are like, basically babying people who get molested or raped and I talk about how badly getting beaten affects me and they're just like, oh whatever...
Then it kinda bugs me, because not everyone is affected that way. Abuse = Abuse, no matter what kind, and they should all be viewed as equally bad.
I've been blamed for getting hit- You were being too stupid and weren't listening, you deserved it for pissing her off, etc. It sucks, too. I mean, the way that I was sexually abused, I DID sort of cause it to happen. The main guilt from that is knowing that I could have/should have/ would have said no, but I was too easily swayed, so they don't even know that I'm affected this way.
I came off wrong, as in PHYSICAL IS TOTES WORSE, but I'm saying for me I felt it was worse, and I don't see why sexual always trumps physical. I just want people to be less like "oh, you got hit? suck it up, everyone gets hit sometimes", when it was wayyy more than that.
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That's redick!
*super gamer nerd high-five*
Yeah I see what you're saying. I agree with that.
That's really frustrating though. As you said, all abuse is bad, and should be treated that way. Sitting here reading about how people have made your experiences out to be "no big deal" is really pissing me off actually. I know that people think like that, but I still can't believe that people actually think like that. :/
And it's pretty awful that anyone would say that to you. There's a hugeass difference between hitting a kid in discipline (which, I still am against.) and physical abuse. I definitely didn't mean to imply that victim blaming is worse/ more damaging in cases of sexual abuse, I was only saying it just seems like it's more widely considered "acceptable". (At least here in New England it does. I can't speak for other locations.)
I also think that people don't want to believe that physical abuse can be as bad as it is, so their apathy is a way of blocking it out. That doesn't excuse their attitudes at all, but it might be a partial explanation for them. :/
Also, I don't think not saying no makes it your fault. I was in a similar situation once, and I can't really blame the other party for it because I outwardly consented. But I still feel violated and taken advantage of... I don't think that places the blame on me either though. I was under a lot of pressure and I didn't understand the situation entirely. Should I have said no? Yes. Definitely. But I didn't realize it at the time, and I'm not at fault for that. She doesn't know what she did to me either.
I'ven't
Quite an innovative double contraction! I like it.
Is this yours... or have I just not been paying attention?
*shrug*
I'm not really sure if it's a real word or not, I just sorta type like I talk. So if I say I'ven't, then I type it :P
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That's redick!
.
Amazing, "I'ven't". Why didn't I think of that? lol Amazing Draco!
Well, I've never been
Well, I've never been physically abused before, but I have been sexually abused, although I'm just as guilty as he is because I did nothing to stop it. Yeah, it sucked, but for me it wasn't life-altering. It just...happened. *Shrug* And I moved on, and it doesn't haunt me, and it doesn't change the person that I am today. I just chose not to be a victim and move on with my life.
I agree with you. Both suck equally, I would say. People think that sexual abuse is more mental and psychological, but...no. Not really. Both are awful and no one deserves to be put through that, but I think people CHOOSE to be victims. They just kinda let the trauma of the abuse consume them without even trying to move on. Not that I'm blaming any abuse victims, but...hey, you gotta get on with your life. I did.
So instead of curling up in the fetal position in the shower and crying, "He was a family friend! I trusted him! BAWWWW!" you should just hold your head up high and carry on with your life :P
I disagree with this. SOME
I disagree with this.
SOME people can just move on. But many people can't, it depends on the person, and on the situation.
I mean, I know people with PTSD from various kinds of abuse. I know how much they'd love to get past it, and that they've been trying... But it's really not that simple.
And I'm glad that you were able to move on, but you're oversimplifying things. I'm sure that there are many many survivors of abuse who would -love- to put things behind them. And they can get on with their lives whether they do or they don't, and maybe they will be able to move on eventually, but if it haunts them that's due to no fault of their own. It doesn't mean that they've chosen to be haunted by it or not to do anything about it.
So I mean, I'm sorry for what happened to you, I'm glad you were able to move on the way you have, but I don't think you shouldn't judge others based on it.
I never said moving on after
I never said moving on after being abused was a simple task. My apologies for making it seem like it was. I mean, for awhile I kinda thought I was a whore after it happened to me. And because I have a lot of faith in the saying that time heals all wounds, that's just what time did for me.
I guess some people are more susceptible to falling into that darkness and depression after abuse than other people are. It may take therapy, lots of emotional breakdowns, TONS of support from family and friends, and maybe even a suicidal thought or two, before a victim overcomes the trauma. And each victim is different, and goes through a different healing process than other victims.
I guess my overall point is that any form of abuse is awful, BUT once the right steps are taken by the victim and the victim's loved ones, no matter how long it takes to make those steps, they can lead a normal life afterwards, or as close to a normal life as possible, regardless of the journey's difficulty.
As for those people you know, it may take them years before they can move past it. And that's perfectly okay. But they WILL get past it, even though it's hard. I think that people are a lot stronger than they think. It's amazing, the things that humans are capable of overcoming.
Fair enough.
I think people are a lot stronger than they think they are as well. But it is hard.
I get kinda defensive sometimes but I'm not mad at anyone. I love you guys. It's just that a lot of impressionable people lurk on this site and read the things you say and I just... Feel the need to clarify everything. >_>
And also I want to hug everyone in this thread right now.
Truth:
People ARE a lot stronger than they think they are. They're only as strong as they let themselves be.
There's a time and a place to get upset. There's a time and a place to be affected. But if you can't allow yourself to be strong about things, then... well... You know, I stop having sympathy for people. There's a difference between being like, oh I got molested so having sexual relations with people will be hard before I trust them.... and being like GOD DON'T TOUCH ME when anyone gets close. I mean, yes, I sympathise, but just because I got beat doesn't mean I'm scared of everyone. Just because I got molested doesn't mean I think everyone's going to rape me.
I feel like when something bad happens, it's much easier to force myself to bounce back than to keep allowing myself to regret what happened. I don't let it become me. People who allow abuse to become them don't get sympathy from me, because they DON'T have to let it consume them. I know it's hard, but I try not to be so open minded that my brain falls out.
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That's redick!
All in all,
physical, emotional, sexual, and other abuses are just as equal in perverseness compared to each other. However many variables you throw in there, they're all equally messed up.
I really shouldn't speak on this since I've not had any abuses as such. But I thought I'd contribute for what my opinion is worth.
Yeah....
It's hard to say. I've never been on the victim side of sexual abuse...
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"Why be given a body if you have to keep it locked up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?" - Katherine Mansfield
Victim?
Maybe... "willing and anxious participant." Huh?
Well...
The joke was that I would be the abuser in the equation...
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"Why be given a body if you have to keep it locked up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?" - Katherine Mansfield
That's a joke?
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That's redick!
Sure...
Anything can be a joke. ;-)
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"Why be given a body if you have to keep it locked up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?" - Katherine Mansfield
As...
was my intention :) That's just an fyi.
Video Games
I just got Pokemon Black this week, but I haven't ventured into it much yet. XD Did you get a 3DS and that's what you're playing Ocarina of Time on?
"Sometimes it takes another to show us the truths we hide from ourselves."
-Leliana, Dragon Age
Naw,
I got it on the Wii for ten bucks :D Who cares about new graphics? Retro all the way! <3
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That's redick!
Definitely.
I played it on the N64 when it originally came out, and then I got the re-released version for the Gamecube with my Windwaker pre-order, and now I want it for the 3DS. I just want to have it for on-the-go, and as a bonus, the updated graphics are pretty sweet. :)
I just need to find $300 lying around the house so I can buy a 3DS and Ocarina of Time. :D
"Sometimes it takes another to show us the truths we hide from ourselves."
-Leliana, Dragon Age
Both are bad
Both are bad