Family stuff.

16 July, 2011 - 8:32am — Riku

I was researching child abuse because, apparently the shit my mom has put us through constitutes emotional abuse. Go figure.

So anyway, on this site, blah blah blah. And then it's talking about how exposing children to violence is a form of emotional abuse (and um, that alone takes up a good portion of my childhood memories.) and then it goes "Even if the mother protects the children from being physically harmed..."

And I stopped reading.

And now I'm pretty pissed off.

I was never in danger of being hurt by my dad. Only my mom, who was extremely violent and abusive to my dad. Hell, she could've killed us a few times, because she'd rip his hair out while he was driving and things like that.

I mean. It's frustrating. I'm pretty fucking frustrated. I don't even need to justify my frustration to you guys at this point. If you have a problem with it fuck off. Seriously. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being asked about my mom. I'm sick of the assumption that she "abandoned" me when I intentionally stayed behind, and my sister has been fighting to live here for years. I'm sick of people acting like what I went through can't or doesn't ever happen.

...I think I just needed to vent a bit.

But anyway. I sent my mom a passive aggressive e-mail. I'm not talking to her but it was simple enough. The subject was "relevant to you" and it had a link inside to the parenting section of a website on child abuse, and a link to a page about Histrionic Personality Disorder.

So yeah.

She probably won't read it or respond or even understand the message, but I might make a habit out of this. Just. Finding links like that. Not actually talking to her.

Since I can't actually talk to her anymore without breaking things.

Tags:

Riku's journal

Comments

16 July, 2011 - 9:20am — jeff

Umm...

If you can't fix it, I wouldn't bother stirring things up. Instead, figure out how to escape as soon as you possibly can and put that plan into action.

---
"Why be given a body if you have to keep it locked up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?" - Katherine Mansfield

16 July, 2011 - 9:28am — Riku

I haven't lived with my mom

I haven't lived with my mom in years, I cut off communication with her entirely over half a year ago.

Not to mention if I got any response out of her that went beyond "Why don't you talk to me anymore?" I'd be seriously impressed.

I'm not really expecting anything anymore. Just. This is my alternative to calling her, attempting to reason with her, and throwing my phone at a wall. >_>

But whatever. Sorry I mentioned it.

16 July, 2011 - 9:38am — jeff

Hmm...

That sounds like a better approach. No communication.

---
"Why be given a body if you have to keep it locked up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?" - Katherine Mansfield

16 July, 2011 - 4:46pm — Riku

Whatever man.

I don't have to justify my decisions to you.

16 July, 2011 - 9:29am — ReinbowGrl

Internet hug. I'm a passive

Internet hug. I'm a passive aggressive "child" of an abusive home. I get it. It happens. I like your email concept. I always feel better after I bring up my family stuff and call my parents on their bull shit. I get it.

- - - - - - - -
I don't need company in the company of you. I don't need love, your love will do. And I've got you and you've got me and this is all you need. I don't need air, I don't need to breathe. I don't need rest, I don't have time to sleep.

16 July, 2011 - 9:58am — SydCybertronian

hugs gingerly because of the healing chest

Totally understand. Had a mom with Borderline Personality Disorder AND she was Bipolar. Luckily she died and my entire family's life got better. I know that sounds horrible but it's true. We got out of the debt caused by her shittery AND we didn't have someone emotionally abusing us anymore. I was lucky, it was only my sister who was once physically abused. But my mom was pretty good in that aspect she didn't hit us(usually), she just taught us that we were worthless. Now ten years later I'm STILL trying to get over the 'training' of 'unworthiness' she put me through.

So... Yeah... I can totally understand bad moms.

16 July, 2011 - 5:35pm — Riku

Wow. I don't wish my mom

Wow.

I don't wish my mom would die... I just wish she'd disappear out of my life. (Or at the very least recognize that she's being selfish and get help.) But I understand how that'd be a relief. Wow.

My mom has only ever threatened to hit me after she moved out, but she didn't only because she knew I'd tell Dad and it'd hurt her case with my sister. She has been physically abusive to my dad and her sister though. I don't understand how she's gotten away with it.

Yeah, my sister and I don't exactly have a glowing self-esteem. I can relate to that... I'm trying to work past it, but when your own parent clearly doesn't care about your wants or needs or opinions, it's hard to believe that anyone would. :/

16 July, 2011 - 3:09pm — whateversexual_llama

*insert rumble grumble of

*insert rumble grumble of the fucked-upness of a world that thinks women are never the perpetrators of abuse of any kind followed by words of love, encouragement, and support*

*but mostly a feminist rant, cuz that's how I do*

<33 keep being so super-strong, Riku. The mature way you've always tackled your family situation never fails to earn my respect.

16 July, 2011 - 5:44pm — Riku

Thank youu.

I don't know if sending passive-aggressive e-mails counts as "mature".

I'm actually handling this very poorly. I don't feel strong at all. >_>

I just. I feel like there has to be something I can actually -do-. I hate being so useless.

16 July, 2011 - 7:44pm — whateversexual_llama

i mean, continue to be

i mean, continue to be supportive, understanding, and worried for your sister? foster an open and loving relationship with your dad? work and remain determined until you're able to be there for your sister in a more substantial way? remain conscious of the many narratives and perspectives in your life?

all of that stuff you naturally do?

((and if the email itself was immature, that's fine, too. we're all human.))