and witty, and gay

12 July, 2011 - 8:20am — Just Dave

I will openly admit that I am vain. How I look is important to me, because of five factors:

1) I want to be in a relationship. It always helps to have as broad an appeal as possible, especially when your dating pool is limited. Furthermore, at the moment I don't think I have it in me to "make the first move". I'm also a little desperate; I mean, you can lower the prices all you want, but nobody's coming in to shop unless you put up a pretty display.

2)I like attention. This is one motivating factor I am not really proud of, and it's one I don't often admit to myself. I spend most of my time trying to avoid the spotlight, whether it be an award podium or a stage, which is why I don't entirely understand this.

3)How you look matters to other people, even if they are not potential love interests. Everyone, from extended family to future employers will make small judgements of you based on how you look. If you are attractive, you are probably less likely to be bullied. Even outside the dating world, good looks are intimidating.

4) It gives you power over people. Another one I'm not really proud of. When you are smitten with someone, you give up a little bit of your self control to them; they have the power to make you very happy, very sad, or very angry, depending on how they treat you. Basically, they can manipulate you. Again, not really proud of this one, and most of the time I try to ignore/suppress it.

5)Insecurity, although I'm not sure if it's a cause or a symptom of vanity. It's probably both.

Ugh. Sometimes I am not proud of myself, but I must always do my best to be honest about myself. It's the only way to improve.

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Comments

12 July, 2011 - 10:44am — elph

A superb analysis!

You've succinctly described the challenges facing a large proportion of gay teens.

Anyway, it's with this group that I feel the greatest empathy! Probably... because it could have described my own poorly-understood feelings in the very distant past :(

However... I realize there are other gays who (at least outwardly) seem to eschew many of the characteristics/emotions expressed in your listing. I'm still working on comprehending these others, but acknowledge that I might never be successful.

12 July, 2011 - 9:26pm — Yamamoto

So Elph your saying the fact

So Elph your saying the fact that I don't think like this makes me a freak?... :(

12 July, 2011 - 9:44pm — elph

No way...

How could you possibly think that?

12 July, 2011 - 9:47pm — Yamamoto

"However... I realize there

"However... I realize there are other gays who (at least outwardly) seem to eschew many of the characteristics/emotions expressed in your listing. I'm still working on comprehending these others, but acknowledge that I might never be successful."

This quote... told me all I needed to know.

12 July, 2011 - 10:48pm — elph

And...

did you feel that I was criticizing you... personally?

Not at all: I was merely stating my own shortcomings!

If I say that I don't agree with the particular way you celebrate your gayness (and... I didn't say that!)... this would not be a condemnation of you!

Let's call a truce: This is Just Dave's journal. A good one; let's not hijack it!

13 July, 2011 - 6:57pm — Yamamoto

"If I say that I don't agree

"If I say that I don't agree with the particular way you celebrate your gayness (and... I didn't say that!)... this would not be a condemnation of you!"

How could this not be a condemantion of me :(

13 July, 2011 - 7:01pm — elph

My error...

Change "agree" to "understand."

13 July, 2011 - 7:11pm — Yamamoto

Oh well when you phrase it

Oh well when you phrase it that way :P That doesn't sound like a condimation :D

12 July, 2011 - 11:04am — Quietwarrior

-

I have to agree i am a little vain to. I always think when i go out of the house that i should look smart and ready, as anybody might notice me, but they normally never do. But saying that i do get some great self pride when i walk into town in a outfit that feels perfect for that moment and i just feel good

12 July, 2011 - 11:25pm — Super Duck

It's okay, I'm vain as well.

It's okay, I'm vain as well. It actually feels good to admit it. Haha. I also actually think I have a fairly attractive face. I always want to look my best... I never know when I'm gonna see a hot girl~

13 July, 2011 - 12:53am — lonewolf678

Sadly,

I can be accused of vanity on any given day. Although I don't dress to attract a mate. And that's because I can't really understand or identify with anyone my age. But that's cool, I can't really contribute much to a relationship anyway.

13 July, 2011 - 5:14am — 625539

Fuck, I just looked at my

Fuck, I just looked at my credit card statement and I realized that about half of my spending is actually on my appearance (clothing, makeup, grooming/hair products, ect). Probably more than half, actually.

It makes me feel good about myself if I look good though, so why the fuck not. I mean, I spend enough time not feeling good enough, might as well do what I can, right?

The ironic part is that I NEVER make an effort as far as work is concerned (at my current job, anyways) - it's a pretty casual environment, I'm on the phone so I'm not dealing with actual customers in person (or end consumers at all, actually), and I'm not willing to sacrifice sleep time just to be dolled up alone in my cubicle while I'm getting yelled at by customers.

This has been a comment

13 July, 2011 - 7:49pm — swimmerguy

Yeah...

Fuck. I had really bad acne once, and so I got my parents to pay for some really expensive 5 month treatment.
So, I was basically cured, for only about 2000$...

I could like have gotten plastic surgery for that amount of money...
I never would though, because I don't hate my face, I just hated the acne on it. I literally never used to be able to look people in the face because I knew what they were looking at.
I'm so glad I'm better now...

But yeah, that was really my reasoning, I'm gay, and ugly, what chance do I stand in the dating pool?

So I was and am vain, but now I'm largely satisfied as long as I continue to have no acne... :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt5ghXdq6Z0&safe_search=on