Some of the lines in Chicago songs just make me smile.

One of the songs is called the Jail Cell Tango is sung by six woman on death row whom have all murdered their husbands, one of them actually murdered her husband and her sister as well when she caught them together. That song has so many funny parts that i can't help but snicker whenever i find it. One of them for example is a woman claiming her husband ran into her knife...ten times.

And another verse is by a different murderess wife who poisoned her husband in the usual mixed drink she gave him after work the night she found out he had six other wives. Her most distinguishable line being "You know, some men just can't handle their arsenic!"

The list goes on.

Now i know what you're probably thinking, what's a masculine, huge, scarred up cowboy like me listening to Broadway musicals? Well, truth is, i love the stage. I'm actually an aspiring stage performer myself. I love acting, but i'm not much into movies. I'm inspired to join the population of very talented LGBT actors in the business.

There's another song on this soundtrack performed by who's supposed to be the very romantic and most attractive male role, named Billy Finn. He's a real sweet talker millionaire who's only interested in love, and that's what the song is all about. And good god, this guy has got it all straight.

I've never had no lover before. A couple boy friends who i thought at one time i DID love, but let me tell ya, i was wrong. I'm ashamed now to say i dared even hold hands with those traitorous bastards.

Often i'm mad at myself because even though i do have much resentment towards them, i can't find myself enough burning anger to admit actual HATRED. Truth is i DON'T hate them. I will probably never HATE anyone. It all goes back to the idea that i'm just too gentle of a giant to ever get close enough to a dark side of myself to hate someone.

I can only either like someone, REALLY like someone, or not like them. But i never have hated anyone. And in fact, i've never gotten the chance to LOVE anyone either!

I don't understand why i have to live in this small country home, so far away from any town or city where i can find a decent minded REAL gay guy whom i can actually grow fond of.

It sounds stupid whenever i get close to admit it...i've never said it before, but this is a place to admit things right? I mean...this IS called a journal isn't it?

So...i guess i've always been a bit of an exagerated romantic. I'm not into the whole "multiple partner" life style. I don't believe in one night stands. I have nothing against those who don't agree with me, nothing at all, i'm just a classic minded southern gentleman who's only interested in males.

I want a boyfriend who longs for the manly man, a strong pair of arms and a stronger heart. I've woken up in the moment after dreaming about a babyboy to call my own only to find my arms empty, and have forced myself every time to shrug it off.

I don't want to sound like a complainer, but am i the only one who wants a romantic, one on one, loving, and genuinely committed relationship?

I appreciate your listening.
Please comment if you have anything to say or message me if you're uncomfortable being open with your opinion.

God knows i'm uncomfortable with MY thoughts sometimes after all.

Adios!